LoZ: Truth or Dare?
by Master-of-Omega
Summary: Been wanting to do this for a while, so I did it. WARNING: Much bad language. You are warned. Leave review, or else I can't update.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there! I am MoO (Shut up), and I will be your host. This is my Truth or Dare fic, and I thank KBB for giving me the idea. It's rather remarkable that I haven't done this before, but hey, it's up now.**

**~*~0~*~**

**Legend of Zelda: Truth or Dare**

MoO: Welcome, I am your host on this wonderful little fic. This fic will consist of the usual ToD standards: 1) Take dares in reviews, 2) torture the LoZ cast whenever possible, and 3) Use ungodly powerful powers to do anything I fucking want.

(Applause sign lights up)

Crowd: *silence*

MoO: ... No applause? Kaine! Kill! ...?! What the- Where are you, you slacker bastard?! Screw it, SECURITY!!!

(Eight dozen armed guards pour out of the doors and start shooting blindly into the crowd)

MoO: ... Not really what I was going for, but this is actually better, if the cops found out about what I'm about to do I'd get life. Of course I could just kill them and leave, but that would just lead to warrants, the FBI, Terrorist recruiters, and all sorts of annoying-assed problems.

(A tall, pale man in his late twenties walks onto the stage. He is wearing a red and gold coat similar to Genesis' in FF7: Crisis Core, black dress slacks and black shoes. His light brown hair is tied in a pony-tail that goes down to his mid-back in the back, while the hair in front framed his face. He was wearing gold trimmed black glasses (the kind that look kind of cool, not the nerdy crap) and had a crescent shaped scar over his left eye. He is holding a black book in his hand, reading the red ink on the black paper as he walks over to MoO)

Every fangirl in crowd: *Mind-numbingly high pitched fangirls screams*

???: *without looking up* (Whips out a giant black and gold pistol/shotgun and fires off a 55 caliber bullet at each of their heads, which explode into a gory mess half a second later.) Fangirls, they're everywhere nowadays aren't they?

MoO: Kaine, there you are. Where the hell were you? The fic started alre- is that the new Necronomicron?! (Rushes over to get better look)

Kaine: Yup, took a while but I finally got the damned thing.

MoO: ...

Kaine: ?

MoO: Where exactly did you get that?

Kaine: Now what does that matter? (walks over to the garbage can and throws a severed head in)

MoO: ... I figured as much. Anyway this is Kaine, an OC of mine. He is also an extension of myself, just as Rajak is. While Rajak is an extension of my dangerously unstable desire to destroy, Kaine is my scholarly, do-whatever side, though this is the first time he's ever been in the world outside my mind.

Kaine: I'm just glad there's a library in there, or it'd be unbearable.

MoO: Yes, well, would you please pull the lever?

Kaine: Certainly. (pulls a random lever in the wall and the LoZ cast falls out of the sky.

Link: Oww... Where? (Sees MoO, and realizes) OH SHIT! A TRUTH OR DARE FIC!!!

LoZ cast: WHAT?! RUN!!! (all run through the many doors in the giant circular room, which lead to everywhere to the castle kitchen to a garden of flesh-eating roses)

MoO: (turns on a set of monitors) Well, this should be good! Hey Kai- (looks at Kaine, who is floating upside down reading his book) ... Why?

Kaine: Why not?

MoO: Touché. Anyway, I'll round them up later, please review! Also, Rajak will be joining us eventually, but he's a little... Preoccupied at the moment.

???: *from the monitor* **HEY!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY PRIVATE CHAMBERS?!?!** (Tingle is laying on a large purple bed when a pissed off man with white hair comes in, a large katana in hand)

MoO: Speak of the devil.

**~*~0~*~**

Review, I need dares to move this along.


	2. Light Arrows are Overpowered

**Well, here's the next chapter, don't get used to quick updates though.**

* * *

*Kaine is sitting in a large red lounge chair reading Lord of the Rings when Link busts through the door and slams it shut, panting heavily*

Kaine: You people are still running around? It's been 3 days!

Link: *panting* I... I know. This place... is evil...

Kaine: Better see what MoO is up to. (puts down his book and grabs Link by the shirt collar, phasing through the ceiling looking for me, though he never will) *Reads what I just typed* You're hiding in "the realm" again, aren't you.

MoO: ... No?

Kaine: ...

MoO: Fine, fine, I'll start the fic. *warps everyone into a gigantic room.* Hey there! Good to see you! Now, you will do whatever I say, or die a horrible death, be revived, rinse, lather, repeat. Got it?

Ganondorf: Why would we?

MoO: ... Are you deaf? But if you need more convincing...

*Giant evil door appears and slowly opens, revealing a horrifying creature so mind-explodingly hideous and demonic, that I have been bound by the Cosmian (Universal) Council not to describe any more than that.*

Loz cast: *dead from exploding brains*

MoO: *revives them*

Ganondorf: *cowering in a corner* WE'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!!!!

MoO: Good, on with the dares!

* * *

_LoZ cast, you will meet your doom...Saria: Listen to Crazy Frog music on a endless loop_

_Tingle: You're going to the slaughter house. Have fun!_

_Navi: Meet MissingNo. He is going to eat you in the most painful waypossibleT_

_oon Link/Linebeck: Kiss each other. And make it look frikin' good!_

_Tetra: Eat this lit bomb. -hands over lit bomb-_

_Zelda: Watch a Yaoi film on a endless _

_Link: Kill Ilia and the most gory way possible_

* * *

MoO: Er... I... uh... *Looks at first chapter* Ah. How did I forget to type that?

Kaine: Hm? *Looks* Idiot.

MoO: Shut up. Anyway, I may have forgot to type up something important. I will NOT be taking any yaoi dares, just to clarify. So don't send anymore in.

Saria: Crazy Frog?

MoO: Yup. *shoves her into a closet and locks the door* We'll leave her there for a bit.

MoO: *Throws Tingle into a slaughter house where he is killed by giant swinging axes and gnashing metal teeth.* ...Holy shit.

Kaine: I've seen worse.

MoO: Really?

Kaine: Simpsons.

MoO: Oh yeah, but Homer didn't die.

Kaine: I know, Tingle just didn't get as lucky.

Navi: Who?

MoO: This thing. *warps in some bizarre blocky thing from pokemon* Though I don't know if he eats at all.

Missing No.: Gwargleorrrrg. *swallows Navi whole*

MoO: ... Let's see here... *opens a window into Missing No.'s stomach*

Navi: OH DEAR GODDESSES!!! I'M BEING DIGESTED!!!

MoO: *closes window and warps the block creature away* Ok, next dare.

Saria: *from in closet* LET ME OUT! THIS IS CRUEL AND UNNUSUAL PUNISHMENT!!!

MoO: Too bad. *reads next dare* No yaoi. NEXT!

Tetra: What?! No way in Hell!!!

MoO: *summons door*

Tetra: *swallows bomb.*

Kaine: 3... 2... 1...

(**BIG BADDA BOOOOM!!!!)**

Zelda: *looks at dare and smiles* Uh, oh no, anything but that. *Runs into closet with yaoi*

MoO: ... Scary.

Link: Wha- but- I-

MoO: *snaps fingers*

Link: *eyes glow red* KILL... KILL... KILL!!! *Rips off Ilia's arm and beats her death with it, then throwing her into a pit of spinning blades*

MoO: Better. *snaps fingers*

Link *back to normal* Oh goddesses, what have I done?!

MoO: Relax. *revives Ilia and Tingle, for no real reason* Next!

* * *

_HEY MOO! hehe, just had to do that! neway..._

_Dares:_

_WW link/tetra: KISS! and u no ull enjoy it! ;)_

_TP link: hug midna and see what happens... DUN DUN DUH (sure hope ur amidlink pairer!)_

_Midna: KILL ILIA IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE!_

_Zelda: blast all links, and blast midna with light magic!_

_Shiek/Zelda: FACE OFF WITH ALL BOSSES!_

_Truths:_

_Green/Red/Vio/Blue: which one of you like zelda the most?_

_THAT IS ALL!_

_-PokeWarriZeldafan_

* * *

MoO: Moo? MOO?!?!?! *turns into Incredible Hulk* **NAME NO MOO!!!! ***kills entire LoZ cast by bashing their heads into the wall, floor, and sun* **ME HAPPY NOW ***Back to normal, revives cast* Don't call me that.

Toon Link & Tetra: *making out in corner*

MoO: Ah, young love. *breaks out Black Materia* I hate young love. *summons Meteor to destroy the planet*

Meteor: *destroys planet in epic explosion, leaving only Kaine, Rajak, and myself*

Rajak: **Dumbass! Put my citadel back together!!!**

Kaine: This isn't YOUR citadel Rajak, it's the one we share for our random acts of boredom.

Rajak: That was made with MY money!

Kaine: Details, what good have they ever done?

MoO: Shut up, I'm fixing it. *Repairs citadel and warps Rajak back to whatever he was doing*

Link: Um... *Hugs Midna*

Midna: *grabs Link and runs into a closet, locking it*

MoO: o.0

_**50 minutes later**_

Midna: *wearing a bath robe* Ah, that was fun!

MoO: Where's...? *looks in closet to see a charred skeleton* o.0 I don't wanna know. *grabs Zelda out of other closet, then destroys the accursed yaoi* You have a dare.

Zelda: Works for me. *shoots exploding arrows at all Links, and blasts Midna to hell with Light arrows* That felt good.

Saria: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S GOOD IN THE WORLD!!! HELP MEEEEE!!!!!!

MoO: Shuddap! *reads next dare* Damn! This is going to take a while. I'll let them be two separate beings, less gender confusion. *separates Zelda and Sheik* We'll go with OoT, MM, WW, PH, and TP. Strap yourselves in, this is gonna be a loooong ride. *snaps fingers*

*Sheik throws a shit storm of needles into Gohma's eye, killing her*

MoO: Expected. *snaps fingers*

*Sheik and Zelda lure King Dodongo into lava to die*

MoO: You could learn a thing or two from them Kid Link. *snaps fingers*

*Zelda shoots arrows of light at Branade*

MoO: That was fast. *snaps fingers*

*Zelda Light arrows Poe Sisters to death*

MoO: Those things are over powered. *snaps fingers*

*Zelda and Sheik spam arrows and needles at the paintings, hitting Phantom Ganon every time. He throws energy, Zelda catches it and throws it back, killing him*

MoO: Too bad Link can't do that. *snaps fingers, annoying yet?*

*Zelda and Sheik try to beat Volvagia, fail horribly, and are eaten alive*

MoO: Haha.

Zelda: At least it's over.

MoO: Says who? *snaps fingers*

Dark Link: Hehehe, my turn.

*Zelda shoots arrows at Dark Link like crazy while Sheik tries to hold him in place with chain whips, which he fades out of. Eventually they get their asses handed to them on a silver platter*

MoO: Had Fun?

Dark Link: Duh.

MoO: good. *snaps fingers*

*Zelda and Sheik spam Morpha to death from corners of room*

MoO: Worst boss ever. *snaps fingers*

*Zelda shoots an arrow of light at Dead Head, killing it instantly*

MoO: Really? *snaps fingers*

*Bongo Bongo (Yay BB!) whacks them with giant hands, which Zelda impales with arrows while Sheik wraps his whip chain around BB's neck and pulls*

MoO: NO!!!!! NOT BB!!!!!!!!! *snaps fingers while thinking of ways to murder Zelda and Sheik*

*Sheik uses hand mirror to reflect Twinrova's attacks, but why does he have in the first place?*

MoO: Sonovabitch. Let's skip to Ganon. *snaps fingers*

*They frikin TRIP him into lava below*

MoO: ... ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! *snaps fingers*

* Zelda shoots light arrow at Odowala*

MoO: Over powered. Hmm... these next one need masks... This your punishment for killing BB!!! *snaps fingers*

*Get trampled to death by Goht*

MoO: Yay. *snaps fingers*

*Get eaten alive by Gyorg*

MoO: More yay. *snaps fingers*

*Crushed to death by Twinmold*

MoO: Oh the yay. *snaps fingers*

*Get sliced into a million pieces by Majora's Wrath*

MoO: And just because I say so. *snaps fingers*

*Find themselves standing before Majora from my fanfic Heart of Darkness*

Majora: Greetings, are you ready to die? *snaps fingers*

Zelda and Sheik: *Disintegrated by ungodly powerful magic*

MoO: Yay, yay, a million times yay!

Majora: That was fun, may I kill more?

MoO: Sure, knock yourself out.

Majora: *Obliterates the planet with ungodly magic* Oh, the ECSTASY!!!!

Rajak: *stabs Majora to death* Why do you people keep blowing this place to hell?!?!

MoO: *fixes everything again* Ok then. *snaps fingers*

*Sheik uses chain like grappling hook to kill Gohma*

MoO: Clever. *snaps fingers*

*Chain + needles = good replacement for boomerang. Zelda uses arrow of light to kill Kalle Demos*

MoO: I've said it before, I'll say it again: OVERPOWERED. *snaps fingers*

*Gohdan smashes them dead because they don't have bombs*

MoO: I love this dare. *snaps fingers*

*Toon Phantom Ganon is killed even faster than normal Phantom Gannon*

MoO: Whatever he still looks cooler. *snaps fingers*

*Helmaroc King pwns them for not having skull hammer*

MoO: Good birdie. *snaps fingers*

*Jalhalla sits on them*

MoO: I love Wind Waker! *snaps fingers*

*Sheik uses chain to grab Melgera's tongue and slashes it with a dagger*

MoO: Dammit. *snaps fingers*

*Just barely kills Puppet Gannon the same way Link had to*

MoO: I hate that guy. *snaps fingers*

*pwns Ganon with Light arrows*

MoO: ... *snaps fingers*

*Ties up Blaaz and stabs him to death*

MoO: Ok. *snaps fingers*

*Shoots Cyclok dead*

MoO: Loser. *snaps fingers*

*spams Crayk to death*

MoO: ... Again? *snaps fingers*

*shoots arrows and needles at Cubus Sisters*

MoO: ... Wow your kicking ass here. *snaps fingers*

*Dongorongo spamed dead by armor piercing arrows*

MoO: since when does she have those?! *snaps fingers*

*Sheik grabs Geelok's tongues and slashes them to death*

MoO: *Yawn* this is getting old... *snaps fingers*

*pwned by Eox for not having a hammer*

MoO: Haha. *snaps fingers*

*pwned by psychopathic horde of Phantoms*

MoO: I like this dare again. *snaps fingers*

*shoots Bellum to death*

MoO: Dammit. *snaps fingers*

*beats that retarded baboon in TP*

MoO: Grr... *snaps fingers*

*Kills Diababa without breaking a sweat*

MoO: I hate you. *snaps fingers*

*killed by armored Goron guy*

MoO: Yay. *snaps fingers*

*Pwned by Big flaming goron whose name I don't remember*

MoO: Next! *snaps fingers*

*drowns trying to fight Morpheel*

MoO: This is great. *snaps fingers*

*Scared shitless by Death Blade, resulting in an utter ass-whooping*

MoO: I love those guys. *snaps fingers*

*eaten and spat out by Big evil fossil*

MoO: *sips root bear and snaps fingers*

*Kills Armored Lizard Thing*

MoO: *throws root bear out window and snaps fingers*

*made into ice cubes by Blizzeta*

MoO: *eats popcorn and snaps fingers*

*Killed by Arachnigohma*

MoO: *scared shitless by Arachnigohma and snaps fingers*

*Eaten by Argarok*

MoO: I love that dragon. *snaps fingers*

*Zantified*

MoO: o.0 *snaps fingers*

*Murdered by : evil light attacks, giant pig tusks, phantom riders, amnd a corrupted sacred blade*

MoO: Niiiice. *Makes Zelda and Sheik one again* Well that took forever! Please don't give me one of those again, my fingers hurt.

Kaine: zzz... zzz... zzz...

MoO: Anyway I asked your question to them halfway through that mess, and they went into a room to decide, let's check. *Opens door to see Vio covered in blood and the others dead*

Vio: I guess I win.

MoO: ... Ok then, next dares!

Kaine: zzz... zzz... zz-huh, what? It's over? Phew!

_I want link to model one of zelda's most pinkest, frilliest dresses that youcan find! I'm really exited about the next chappie! *gives cookie to MoO*_

MoO: *eats cookie* yummy.

Link: o.0 WHAT????

MoO: You read it, you do it! *sticks Link in dress to girly and pink for words, and every one dies of laughter while Link dies of embarrassment* Ok, that's it for this chapter, tune in next time for more dares! And be sure to leave them!!!

* * *

Three reviews in one day, not bad. Keep leavin dares you guys!


	3. Merry Late Christmas

**Merry late Christmas Folks! Hope you got all the toys and random crap you wanted, and I also hope your families didn't annoy any of you to death, I need people to read this.**

* * *

MoO: *Homeworld 2 (Best RTS EVER)* DIE HIGAARAN SCUM!!!

Kaine: Hey dumbass, we have dares.

MoO: Aw, do I have to**?**

Saria: **LET ME OUT FOR FARORE'S SAKE!!!!!**

MoO: ... I forgot about her. *opens closet door* Sorry 'bout that.

Saria: *sucking thumb in fetal position* Too much... Too much Crazy Frog...

MoO: *slowly closes door* Let's give her some space...

* * *

_HEY COWMAN! (didnt call you MOO(-insert underlines here)... HEH. !)*hugs Vio* YAY! U WON! IT WAS EITHER U OR GREEN! *cries over Green thengets over him dieing* OHMYGODDESSES! THAT WAS SO GODDESSES-DAMNED FUNNY! too bad i cant do that dare again... WAIT! I GOT ANOTHER GOOD ONE! WO! aw, poor saria... i broke out laughing at tripping ganon in to lava... ROFLMAO! and damn... light arrows are overpowered! i never thought i would laugh so much at zelda getting pwned... yayz! finally, the dares!_

_Dares:_

_COWMAN: put up with young love for a chapter... or i do another horribly longdare!_

_Kaine: *vein pops out* ... *gathers green's, red's, and blue's weapons, thenstarts hitting you with them* DONT FALL ASLEEP DURING MY DARES! *startshitting you on the head with blue's hammer repeatedly like a cartoon* neway,*still hitting you* you have got to stay awake for ALL DARES *whacks you hardon the two words capitalized then keeps going* for three chapters! *borrowszelda's light arrows then hits you ten times with them then goes away*_

_TP link and midna: MAKE OUT FOR FIVE MINUTES! then midna gets to reacthowever she wants! (hope ur a midlinker... again!)_

_Ilia: face off with midna!_

_All Zelda's: watch amused, while eating popcorn, drinking soda, and gossiping among eachother_

_Winner of Ilia-Midna match: burn the other person in a fire, then borrow all the zelda's light arrow bows, ten hits on each bow. _

_Zelda's: murder the person who won for taking ur light bow!_

_COWMAN: let Aryll take over for a chapter!_

_that is all.-PokeWarriZeldafan_

* * *

Kaine: *stifles laugh*

MoO: I think I preferred Moo. NO UNDERLINE FOR YOU!!!*reads dare* ...Crap. Fine. *jumbotron appears on wall showing one of those tunnel of love rides*

Kaine: ...

MoO: ?

Kaine: I think that's more like stalking.

MoO: Shut up.

Jumbotron: *shows Toon Link and Tetra*

MoO: What the?! How did they get out?!

Kaine: Just get on with the dares. *reads dare* I got bored, big whoop.

MoO: I cannot guarantee it, so I will use... AUTHOR POWERS!!! *snaps fingers*

Kaine: *glows gold*

MoO: ...?!

Kaine: What do you think I've been studying for half a year?

MoO: ...So you're...?

Kaine: Immune? Yes. *snaps fingers*

MoO: *back flips involuntarily* HUH?!?!

Kaine: That's right, though that's about all I can do.

MoO: But I can still get you to stay awake.

Kaine: How?

MoO: I'm sure Metus would love this job.

Kaine: ... Metus? METUS??? I hate that guy, he has no appreciation for the written word!

MoO: So you'll stay awake?

Kaine: FINE.

Link: Not again.

Midna: *grabs him and gets on tunnel of love*

Jumbotron: *shows them*

MoO: ... I'm not doing this next chapter, just saying.

Jumbotron: *5 min are up, and Midna pins Link to boat*

*5 hours later*

MoO: ...I love this dare.

Kaine: Pervert.

MoO: Shut up.

Ilia: I... What?! Why do you hate me? *Crushed by Midna's giant hand/hair thing*

Zeldas: We didn't get to gossip!

MoO: Too bad, so sad.

Jumbotron *MORE YOUNG LOVE*

MoO: **IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!!** *whips out Soul Edge and kills everyone at that goddamn amusement park* I know you're going to give me a crazy long dare, but it beats putting up with THAT.

Midna: *burning Ilia's body* Hey wasn't there another part to this? *reads dare* Way ahead of you there. *grabs Light Arrows and shoots them into Ilia's flaming corpse*

Zelda: *shoots Midna with a magnum*

MoO: ...Where does she get these things? *reads dare* Fuck. Aryll!

Aryll: *right next to my ear* HOI!!!

MoO: GODAMMIT!!! I AM DEAFENED!!! *recovers* Now then. Aryll you get to be host for the next chapter.

Aryll: Really? Cool!

MoO: *deathly calm voice* Just one thing. You won't let people opt out of dare will you? Because OMEGA think little girls are oh so tasty.

Aryll: *terrified* N-n-n-n-no s-s-s-sir!!!

MoO: *Cheery voice* Good! NEXT DARES!

* * *

_Hello there, I have some dares for the cast_

_Link: Here's a live blue chuchu in a bowl. Eat it. Also, what exactly is inthose pears you feed to seagulls that lets you control them?_

_Tetra: Get fired off in the barrel_

_Tingle: Stick your face in a toaster. _

_Tetra and Sheik: Have an argument on which is better: Pirates or Ninjas?Well that's all I have for now. Toodles!_

* * *

MoO: Alright then, here you go Link. *hands Toon Link a live Blue Chu in a bowl*

Toon Link: I... Uh... *Slurp* *Spasms of pain from electricity*

MoO: Felling alright?

Toon Link: *sparking like crazy*

MoO: Great, now we'll never know what's in the pears.

Kaine: It's weed.

MoO: ... You know this how?

Kaine: *eating pear* It's a medicinal herb. And on a side note it's awesome.

Tetra: *in barrel catapult* DAMN YOU!!! *flung at Forsaken fortress*

MoO: *eating popcorn*

Kaine: *reading*

Toon Link: *sparking*

Tetra: *plastered on wall*

Tingle: Oh boy! A toaster!

MoO: *shoves his face into it*

Tingle: *getting electrocuted* It tickles! *dead*

MoO: ... *summons door and throws dead Tingle into it*

Door of OMEGA: *loud crunching and slurping sound, followed by a burp as a piece of green spandex flies out*

MoO: *reads dare* Ok then, I'm just going to have Zelda and Sheik be separate characters for this fic. *separates them* Now argue who is better!

Tetra: Pirates, duh. We're just kick-ass.

MoO: I see. Sheik?

Sheik: Ninjas. Pirates are just idiots on a boat, look at her crew.

Tetra's Crew: HEY!!!

MoO: Tetra?

Tetra: What are you talking about?! Pirates are free-spirited, fun, and above all care for their friends.

Sheik: They're also loud and obnoxious.

Tetra: I s'pose your ninja's are perfect?

Sheik: And there's another thing; we have pronunciation and grammar.

*3 hours later*

Tetra & Sheik: *shouting at each other about why they're better then the other indecipherably*

Everyone else: *eating popcorn and drinking Root beer*

Rajak: **SHUT THE HELL UP!!!**

Tetra & Sheik: *quiet looking at Rajak*

Rajak: Ninja's are better for one, all important reason.

Tetra: And that would be?

Rajak: *flashsteps behind her* This. *wraps piano wire around her neck and pulls*

Sheik: Thanks for that.

Rajak: You die too. *repeat of Tetra and then warps away*

MoO: Well that's over. NEXT!

* * *

_Link: Try to tell every girl in all of Zelda (Including the fat lady andunnamed ones) that you have cheated on her with the rest. After MoO revivesyou, make up with Malon and marry her. Best pairing ever_

_Zelda: Admit to Ganon that you have Stockholm Syndrome. When he starts the love talk, say "I meant Vaati."_

_Ganon: Become the new mascot for the Arkansas _

_Vaati and Ezlo: Play rock paper scissors, best 1,000,000 out of 1,999,999_

_Tetra : engage in an offscreen orgy with all your pirate friends. Then Kill them_

_Majora: Do am Irish jig. I must have seen you do that a dozen times during your Incarnation stage._

_Twinrova: Sit around and tell boring old stories_

_Twilight Princess Link: Teleport into the ocarina of time, and meet theCuccoos' feathered wrath. In other words, smack them a few times with_

_Romani : Rename Link Bugger _

_Cremia: Go die_

_Kafei: You too. (Leaves Romani and Anju to me XD)_

_last and certainly least...Tingle: I have deemed this torture worthy of but three people ever. The MCfrom Fusion Frenzy 2, the citizen of Sim City who annoys me the most, and you.I am forcing you to go on a date with the fat lady in Kakariko, go watch LastHouse on the Left, and finally, PLAY THE CDi GAMES!*windows shatter and Link wets his pants.*. I WILL WATCH YOU AND RIDICULE YOUAS YOU EPICALLY FAIL THE WORST ZELDA GAMES IN HISTORY AND THEN YOU WILL GO TOTHE INNERMOST CIRCLE OF HELL WHERE YOU AND THE FUCKTARDS WHO MADE THIS GAMEGO!!_

* * *

Link: ... Why me? *tells every girl in LoZ that he cheated on them with every other girl*

Nightmare Girl Mob: *murder Link*

MoO: *poking Link's corpse with a stick* Do I really have to revive him?

Kaine: Yes. Or else you'll lose a reader.

MoO: *revives Link who makes then makes up with Malon and they go off to get married* Sickening. *METEOR BITCH!!!!* Much better.

Zelda: Hey, Ganon, I, uh, kinda have Stockholm Syndrome.

Ganon: Really? I'm so happy to hear that! I have so many things to tell you about! I-

Zelda: Not you dumbass, Vaati.

Ganon: ...

Vaati: *warps over and swweps her off her feet* Better luck next time loser. *warps away*

MoO: *warps Ganon to Arkansas*

*5 min later*

Ganon: *dead*

MoO: Guess they didn't want him.

Vaati: You can't beat me you old fart!

Ezlo: We'll see about that! And I'm not old!

*999,999 rounds later*

Kaine: And this is it folks! The final round between Vaati and Ezlo! And to liven it up MoO is going to throw the loser into OMEGA's door!

Vaati & Ezlo: Rock... Paper... SICSORS!!! *Ezlo throws paper and Vaati throws scissors*

Ezlo: *jaw hanging open*

Vaati: Told ya.

MoO: *throws Ezlo into OMEGA's door*

Tetra: Not in a million years.

MoO: When will they learn? *snaps fingers*

*an hour later*

Tetra: *carrying Gonzo's severed head* I fucking hate you.

MoO: Then I'm doing my job right.

Majora: *Irish Jig*

MoO: Ok...

Trinrova (yes, both of them, simultaneously): Oh, we have this one really great one about when we ate this raisin! It was so nice, we- *cut short when I sick Darth Maul on them*

MoO: I love author powers. *reads dare* o.0

Link: What?

MoO: Oh... Nothing... *warps Link to OoT*

Jumbotron: *Link hits a Cuccoo which started cawing like a demon crow*

Kaine: Since when do Cuccoos caw?

MoO: Since I said so, shut up.

Jumbotron: *Cuccoos gather on the trees and buildings in a Birds-esque manner*

MoO: Here it comes!

Jumbotron: ***MOTHER-OF-ALL-SHIT-STORMS!!!***

MoO: Oh, that was great.

Jumbotron *young love*

MoO: DIDN'T I KILL YOU ALREADY?!?!?! *incinerates Jumbotron*

Romani: Hey Link.

Link: Yeah?

Romani: Your name is now Bugger.

Bugger: Wha? Hey what the?! Why is- huh?!?!?!

MoO: we all heard it, your name is now Bugger. And so it shall be until the end of the next chapter.

Bugger: T.T

MoO: Why didn't I do this sooner?

Cremia: *thrown off cliff*

Kafei: *drowned in pool*

MoO: My, aren't you lucky. *pushes random big red button*

Romani & Anju: *explode*

MoO: Here you are. *hands him a bucket of their guts*

Tingle: YAY!!! This is going to great!

*the next day*

MoO: Where's Tingle?

Kaine: That fat lady ate him.

MoO: ... So he didn't even finish the dare?

Kaine: Well, yes and no. He only got to the fat lady this time around, but it turns out he's die-hard fan of that movie AND the CDi games.

MoO: o.0 x infinity

Kaine: Yeah. I know.

* * *

_I know you said no yaoi but can you make Ganondorf and Link french-kiss for20 seconds. Their reactions would be funny as hell._

_I have a rocket launcher, every male character from LoZ must fight each other if they don't want to die_

_Everyone play seven minutes in Heaven_

_Ganon vs King Bowser_

_Zelda vs Samus vs Princess Peach_

_Link vs Mario vs Sonic_

_MoO, have a lemon with your fav. character or characters. *Grin*Just do it in another room_

_That's all folks!_

* * *

MoO: Hmm... Eh, why not? *snaps fingers*

Ganon & Link: *forced french kiss*

Ganon: DEAR DIN!!!! *jumps into OMEGA's door*

Link: *dead from Ganon's breath*

MoO: That was... Odd...

*One psychopathic battle later*

Dark Link: Hahhh... Hahhh... I... Win... *rocket launchered*

MoO: *playing Homeworld 2 again* Nooo, my Flagship! Shipyard retreat!

Kaine: Why are you playing as Vayger? They suck.

MoO: Yeah but they have a cooler fleet command voice. Anyway I have a fic to write.

*a few hundred games of seven minutes in heaven later*

MoO: *holding Ganon's severed head* NO ONE, AND I MEAN **NO ONE**, EVER EVEN THINK OF TRYING TO GET ME IN THERE WITH ANOTHER GUY, OR THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU!!!!

Kaine: Wha... What happened?! All I remember was winding up in the closet with Midna.

MoO: You do NOT want to know. All in favor of never bringing this up again?

Everyone: I!

MoO: Good.

Ganon VS Bowser: *Ganon pwns*

Zelda VS Samus VS Peach: *Samus pwns with Zero Beam*

Bugger VS Mario VS Sonic: *Sonic pwns with Big Shiny Attack of Death*

MoO: Sweet! *kicks Bugger in balls and steals Malon* You guys all know you'd do the same. *warps into another room*

Kaine: Well then, I guess that's it for dares, and MoO most likely won't be out for a while. See you later I guess.

* * *

**Hope you liked it and merry late Christmas! Leave some dares so I can keep writing.**


	4. MAH FYNGERZ! and i'm lazy

Ay! Bet you thought I left this out to dry eh? Well... You're pretty much right lol.

MoO: And I have returned!

Kaine: Well look who's back. How'd things go with Malon?

MoO: Great, naturally. I'd tell you all about it, but we're on screen, so... *smashes camera and tells Kaine about it*

Kaine: 0.0 Wow, I never knew...

MoO: She's not new to it, that's for sure. *warps in Aryll* Sigh, well I guess it's in your hands now...

Aryll: I-i won't mess up.

MoO: And remember! Link is Bugger for this chapter, but he'll be Link again afterwards.

* * *

_... LoZ Truth or Dare fic? Haven't seen one of these out of the 15 thousandother Legend of Zelda fics. But... *grabs a huge nuclear rocket launcher*TIME TO BRING PAIN AND SUFFERING UPON LoZ PEOPLE!_

_Ilia: Join the "I hate horses" association. I HATES YOU!_

_Malon: Do the above, and get devorce from Link. I HATES YOU TOO!_

_Ruto: ... Out of all of Link's insane stalkerish fangirls in the game, you are the one I hate the most. Let MoO turn you into sushi and force feed it toGanondick!_

_Ganondick: However, I hate you most of all. You are the character I hate morethan any other. Yeah, your on number 1 on my hit list!_

_Link: Replay the classic scene of you epically killing Ganondick_

_ Link again__: Trap Navi in a tiny jar._

_ Midna: ... You freak me out... But I don't exactly, hate you. You're justcreepy... But still,_

_Zelda: Bring death to Midna!_

_Link and Zelda: ... I would force you two to marry, but that would be weird._

_MoO: So instead, you will be the priest marrying them!_

_Saria: CRAZY FROG CRAZY FROG CRAZY FROG CRAZY FROG CRAZY FROG CRAZY FROGCRAZY FROG!_

_Am I forgetting anyone? Hmm... Nope! *leans on a lever, which sends a nuclearmissle towards Malon, Saria, Ruto, Ilia, Ganondick, and Dark Link*Oops... XD_

* * *

MoO: ...Is there anyone you DON'T hate?

Ilia: But, but, but...

Aryll: Well, I guess if you could just...

MoO: Must I motivate?

Aryll: Eep!

MoO: Well? *flexes left hand, causing talons the size of katanas to grow from finger tips* What now?

Aryll: *swipes Bugger's sword and puts it to Ilia's throat*

Ilia: H-hello, I'm here to join the "I hate horses" club.

MoO: She learns fast.

IHH Head Master: Good, we always need new recruits. But there is one thing, horse enthusiasts are always trying to infiltrate us and put an end to our operations, so there is a test.

Ilia: A t-test?

IHH HM: Yes, it's quite simple really, come along. *Leads her into a room with a horse tied to the ground* Just stab this defenseless horse to death. *Hands her a rusty jagged knife*

Ilia: *faints*

IHH HM: I knew it. *stabs her to death with the knife*

Malon: *saves everyone the trouble and kills herself*

MoO: Ooh, fun! *pulls out a machete*

*half-an-hour later*

MoO: Here you go Ganondick! BTW, that is what we're calling you for the rest of the chapter.

Ganondick: Of course it is. *eats Ruto sushi* Tastes like... *Sudden look of fear* Blowfish? *dies of poison*

Aryll: She was poisonous?

MoO: No, I just put some blowfish in there.

Bugger: I kill him epically all the time, you'll have to be more specific.

MoO: Well Aryll? Your in charge for the chapter.

Aryll: Umm... Wind Waker.

Bugger: *rolls around Ganondick's sword swipes and leaps into the air, burying the Master sword into his head, causing him to turn to stone for some reason*

Aryll: I like that one.

MoO: I would have chose TP myself.

Bugger: *traps Navi in a jar* And for good measure... *Fills jar with rocks and throws it into the ocean* I'M FREE! FREEEEEE!

Zelda: *Arrows of Light That Are Way to Fucking Powerful*

MoO: Umm... I really shouldn't... But what the Hell, this'll be good.

*One marriage ceremony later*

MoO: I now pronounce you Tights-wearing husband and Know-it-all wife.

*lightning fries everyone*

MoO: This is why I said it would be a bad idea. I'm on bad ground with all the Divine; Zeus, Odin, God, Satan, you name them! *revives everyone* Well, Satan just doesn't like me much, but he loves my work.

Saria: SHUT UP DAMN YOU!

* * *

_Tingle: attempt to steal links big green force gem and see what happens. ^^_

* * *

Tingle: *grabs bag* I WILL BE A FAIRY!

Bugger: *Great Spin*

MoO: Boring. *incinerates Bugger*

* * *

_Link: Insult the way the goddesses always make him do everything and insulttheir hair. See what happens. :)_

_Zelda: Become Gohma the Spider and marry Ganon, then eat his head on yourwedding day!_

_Saria: Just keep doing what your doing_

_Tetra: Have Zelda's consciousness in your head and argue over who likes : Pig Ganon from OoT can grab you by your BIG ASS nose and whip youaround with his tusk things until your nose detaches from your body and thenLink (or bugger) has to eat the severed nose while Ganon pushes you off thecliff into the lava below! ^^_

* * *

Aryll: Uh, well...

MoO: A relapse?

Aryll: *randomly stabs Impa to death*

MoO: You have done well, my apprentice...

Kaine: Just get on with it.

MoO: You're still reading your damned book, aren't you?

Kaine: *holding book* What does that have to do with anything?

MoO: Why do you care?

Kaine: Because I do.

Bugger: Ehem. Din, Nayru, Farore. I believe you owe me. You make me do craploads of heroics, against my will, with no rewards whatsoever. Also, your hair sucks.

MoO: ? Did you do anything?

Aryll: No... I didn't.

Bugger: Didn't have to, I've been wanting to do this for a loooong time.

Goddesses: *turn to each other and nod, then grab Link and warp away*

MoO: Be right back *warps after them*

Kaine: How long till he's back?

MoO: *warps back, a dumbfounded look on his face*

Kaine: What? What are they doing?

MoO: They're doing him.

Kaine: Wha?

Aryll: ?

MoO: They said they couldn't afford to lose him, no one else will work for them. That lucky sonuvabitch.

Zelda: *reads dare* What? Where do you people get these ideas? *turns into ghoma and marries Ganondick, eating his head in the process*

Saria: Sweet. *pulls out a bong* Anyone?

Kaine: I'm in! *leaves with Saria*

MoO: ... (FF gayed out on me, It won't let the other dares exist for some reason)

* * *

_READ BEFORE POSTING! IF YOU DONT KNOW WHO SOME OF THE PEOPLE I MENTION ARE,LOOK THEM UP TO GET A GENRAL IDEA WHO THEY ARE!_

_Time for round 2Four Swords Links: Which one is the real Link?_

_Skull Kid: Wear a fluffy pink bunny suit in front of the two skull kids nextto Kokiri Forest. Ears, tail and all_

_Agitha: Call the Orkin Exterminators to come by your house_

_Nabooru : undergo a sex change. You've got more balls than just about anyonein the series anyway..._

_Ganondorf: Go slap Chuck Norris' face_

_Chuck Norris: you aren't under my command, but kill Ganondork Fagmire_

_Din, Nayru and Farore: Which of you is the prettiest?_

_Purlo: Go talk to these three people and call them retarded: Kefka Palazzo,Sephiroth, and the Joker_

_Ruto: Go tan for about ten million _

_Rauru: Admit to both Nabooru (when she is a male) and Impa that you aredesperately in love with them_

_MoO: Yes, by reviewers' power, you are now a Zelda Character and Kaine isyour loyal sidekick. Put Romani and Malon in a locked-door room with me andme alone. (Rebuild Romani first though after you blasted her apart)_

_Kaine: Go torture Postman from Twilight Princess for me. I'll give you acookie..._

_Tingle: your last punishment wasn't a punishment. Therefore, I will stickyou in a room with the MC of Fusion Frenzy 2 and that really gaytarded citizenfrom Sim City. I will give them a chainsaw and a minigun. You get a plasticwhite heavy duty spork. Your job is to slit your wrists and get massacred bythe others. I will watch, eat popcorn, and laugh as you die_

_And finally, Me: using my reviewers power, I teleport myself into a Zelda game,and cause Malon, Romani, Zelda, and every hot girl in the whole series to fallin love with me. When Link and the rest come to kill me, I force my self touse my butter knife to cause an extrememly graphic massacre of the wholeworld. Then we all die and go to hell, where I rule over the dead._~*~

* * *

Green, Blue, Red, Vio: Green, duh.

MoO: That's it?

Green: Well, yeah. It's that simple.

MoO: ... I'll just make this interesting. *snaps fingers and they all catch on fire*

Kaine: Nice, comments Aryll?

Aryll: ...

MoO: That's a good girl.

Skullkid: *in fluffy bunny suit* I hate you all.

Other skullkids: *die of laughter*

Agitha: Orkin? Who are they?

MoO: They're a special company that goes around to houses with bugs. They make things better.

Agitha: Really? My bugs will be so happy! *calls Orkin*

*One extermination later*

MoO: She killed herself, awesome.

Nabooru: What? WHAT?

Kaine: This dare... That's just not right.

MoO: I agree. Too bad though. *kicks her into a clinic*

Nabooru *after operation*: Hey.

MoO: ... That is not right.

Kaine: UNCLEAN!

Everyone else: *barfs*

MoO: That's it, AUTHOR POWERS! *turns her back*

Ganondork: Oh... No...

MoO: That's right. *warps him to Chuck Norris, failing* What the? Oh, wait, I forgot. *warps everyone but Ganondork into a safe zone* You don't find Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris finds you...

Chuck Norris: *walks through wall*

Ganondork: *slaps Chuck Norris, shattering every bone in his hand* THE PAIN!

Chuck Norris: *blinks, then leaves*

Ganondork: *head explodes*

MoO: *warps everyone back*

Din, Nayru, Farore: I am! * looks at eachother* NO! I AM! YOU WHORES! *Cat fight while all guys watch and enjoy*

Kaine: ...*filming on phone*

*30 minutes later*

MoO: I guess Din's the hottest. No literally. *gestures to Din in a maelstrom of flame, burning everyone to death until its only her, me, Kaine and Rajak*

Rajak: Keep on pushing it... *shoots Din's brains out*

MoO: *restores everything* Next!

Purlo: Sure, whatever. *goes up to an overly colorful clown, a guy with long silver hair and a creepy clown/madman* You are all retards. Haha!

Kefka: *Goes into god mode and rapes him* I'm gonna destroy EVERYTHING!

Sephiroth: *Grows one black wing and summons a 7 foot sword, slashing him to pieces*

Joker: Wanna see a magic trick? *slams Purlo's head into a pencil stuck in a table*

MoO: I love those guys.

Ruto: Um... I don't really like tanning...

Aryll: It is a million years...

MoO: *glares daggers* We have a time compression chamber. *throws Ruto in*

*10 min later*

Ganondick: Hey! Fish sticks! *eats them*

Kaine: So, you like fish sticks?

Ganondick: Are you kidding? I love 'em!

Everyone: *snikering*

Ganondick: What?

MoO: What are you a gay fish? *looks at dare* Skipped due to Nabooru will never be male again. It was horrifying. *rebuilds them and puts them in a room with, I assume, him*

*2 hours later*

MoO: FIRE! *artillery annihilates room*

Kaine: *looks at Postman, smiles, and warps them both to another room*

Tingle: *somehow he even messed that up, those two guys are dead and Tingle is on fire. ...Good enough.*

Reviewer: *makes all females in game fall in love with him*

Link: HEY! *draws mastersword*

Reviewer: *uses butter knife to knock Mastersword and shield out of Link's hands, then carving out his eyes, chopping off his nose, severing each of his fingers and toes, carves evil symbols into his flesh, and takes a dump on him* *repeat to all others*

Rajak: One problem: I RULE THE REALM OF DEATH. *sicks thousands of Grim Reapers on us*

* * *

_*jumping around like a deranged psychopath-lunatic* i have something evenworse than cowman and moo! U DESERVE IT FOR NO UNDERLINES! *maniac-evil laugh*U ARE... COW GO MOO! *more maniac-evil laugh* YES! SOMEONE CAN RESIST AUTHOR POWERS! everything is falling in to place... *lightning flashes* AND NOW...TWO HORRIBLY LONG DARES! MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!_

_Dares:Kaine: destroy the game COW GO MOO was playing last chapter!_

_COW GO MOO: cry like a baby about it, and suck ur thumb!_

_Kaine: make COW GO MOO back flip through ten iron walls!_

_Saria, Ilia, Romani, Midna, Malon, Ruto: Epic brawl (detailed and writtenout, Cow go Moo! thats a dare for ya, btw.) for ur link crushes! then justsmack the others around for their links! everybody gets a magnum, twogrenades, Romani, Ilia and Malon get horse stampedes, ruto get water magic,Saria get forest magic, and midna get twili magic! LET THE EPIC BEGIN!_

_Zelda's and evil people: watch and place bets on who wins what Link_

_Vaati: revive the FS and FSA links (red green and blue since vio lived) thenget chopped to pieces by them, allow MC link to kill u when u first appear,and let ezlo nag ur ears off an entire chapter_

_Navi, Tatl, Tael, and Ciela: DANCE OFF! best moves claims ownership ofwhichever link's hat! COUPLE DANCES ACCEPTED. (PLEASE DO TAVI! tael and navi 4ever!)_

_Saria: after that epic battle, u deserve... TO GO PYRO! STEAL DARUNIA'SPOEWR, AND BURN EVERY WOOD RELATED THING IN THE KOKIRI FOREST, AND BURN THE GREAT DEKU TREE AND SPROUT! then go mass murder and destroy every kokiri! then go to deku palace in termina and burn them to the ground, and mass murder them too! MUAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!(COW GO MOO, this is the second horribly long dare, so write everything out! this is ur last dare! NICE AND LONG FTW!)_

_Saria: after all that torture, you get a ginormous cookie. *hands herginormous chocolate chip cookie* enjoy._

_i am . COW GO MOO: where does chocolate milk come from? It should be easy considering u are a COW that GOES MOO. now,i am done._

_-PokeWarriZeldafan_

* * *

MoO: **JUST GO BACK TO MOO!**

Aryll: Um... Uh...

MoO: What? *reads dare* No. No no no. Not happening.

Kaine: You little bitch.

MoO: I will lock you in a room with Carameldanssen playing.

Kaine: *very far away*

MoO: *backflips into wall* Dammit all! You may be immune to author powers, but how about Umbra and Soul Edge? *pulls out evil purple and black longsword and fleshy red and silver claymore*

Kaine: Ok ok! I'm done! Yeesh...

Ganondick: Pussy.

Kaine: ... *grabs him drags him to Door of OMEGA*

Ganondick: No, no no no nooo!

Kaine: Don't worry, OMEGA died.

Everyone but MoO: WHA?

Kaine: Yeah, we got something worse. *rips off door where there is a large pit*

Ganondick: Wha-what did you get?

Kaine: A Grue. *throws Ganondick into pitch-black pit*

Ganondick:(from bottom of pit) I can't see-

Grue:(from bottom of pit) GWARGLFARGLE!

Ganondick:(from bottom of pit) Ha! I have a Grue too!

Kaine: Ooh... Bad idea.

Aryl: Why?

Kaine: Well... That can almost never go well. Here's the list.

**Better-than-best-case:** Both grues spontaneously turn into power ball tickets. You win the lottery and become a multi-millionaire.

**Best-case: **Both of the Grues kill each other, which is damn near impossible.

**Next-best-case: **Your Grue kills the other one and eats you. You're dead, _buuuut_ at least you kinda killed a grue.

**Worse-case: **The other Grue kills your Grue and eats you. You're dead, _and_ your Grue got its butt kicked.

**Worst-case: **Both Grues realize they've been tricked, then they team up and eat you. You're dead, _and_ you were betrayed by your own Grue.

Ganondick: Wait, what are you... OH DIN NO! NOOOOOO! HELP ME SOMEONE!

Kaine: Ooohhh... **Worse-than-worst-case**...

Aryl: What?

Kaine: The grues decide that you make a better sex toy than a meal. Imagine that for the rest of your life.

Everyone: ...UNCLEAN!

MoO: If you want to know what a grue is and how you can keep from being eaten alive, go here: .com/wiki/Grue

Aryl: So how do I...?

MoO: Huh? Oh right. *warps everyone to the Citadel's Arena*

*Saria, Ilia, Romani, Midna, Malon, and Ruto warp into middle of mega-stadium filled with water with floating platforms made of trees and plant life while clouds of darknes floated above. Everyone else, including readers, warps into bleachers*

MoO: *over done announcer mode* evening/morning/whatever! Today we bring you the epic battle between these six young women for their Bugger crushes!

*Cheering from random people who materialized from nowhere*

MoO: And to help me do that; give a warm welcome to Metus! The red-headed maniac that Kaine hates.

*man in black coat with crazy red hair and green eyes materializes in seat next to me*

Metus: Great to be here my man!

Kaine: *drags needle over a record player* Why is HE here?

Rajak: Cow Man over there wanted to bring him in.

Metus: Not to worry Kay ol' buddy! I'm only here for a the chapter, got missions to do ya know?

MoO: Let's just get back to the match eh? *Back to announcer mode* In this corner; The Sage of Forest, Bugger's childhood friend fighting for OoT Bugger, who knows her age but she looks like a kid; **SARIA!**

Saria: Wait, what was that at the end?

Metus: She uses forest magic and makes me uncomfortable, I have no idea why.

MoO: Is that so? Well, nest we have the horse obsessed, bleach-blonde airhead of the Zelda series; I really have no idea how else to describe her. Ilia. Yay I guess.

Ilia: You little shit!

Metus: Haha, she looks mad! I always thought she was a lesbian bestiality chick, the way she obsesses over Epona.

Ilia: I'LL KILL YOU!

MoO: Haha, no doubt! She's fighting for TP Bugger, and Epona. Ok, next is Romani, a little farm girl from Termina who fights aliens trying to steal their cows. Isn't she cute?

Romani: Your not even taking me seriously!

Metus: No we are not! And since MM Bugger is also OoT Bugger, she has some tough competition.

MoO: I alost feel sorry for her. Our next contender is the mystical Queen of Twilight, with a huge following of fanboys, and the only character with any depth in Twilight Princess whatsoever; **MIDNA!**

Midna: It's true. *blows kiss to camers*

Millions of Fanboys everywhere: *nose bleeds*

Metus: She's got Twilight magic and if things get really bad she can use the Fused Shadows to turn into a giant spider and smash you dead! Plus, she's hot as hell. And with only Ilia standing between her and TP Bugger. Well, we all know the crazy bitch will die.

Ilia: FUCK YOU!

MoO: I love this dare, I shouldn't have put this off for so long. Next we have the red-haired farmgirl from Lon-Lon Ranch, Fighting for OoT Bugger; **MALON!**

Malon: *on Epona* She was my horse to begin with.

Metus: *taking pictures*

MoO: ... Man you're a perv.

Metus: This coming from you?

MoO: Touché. And finally, give it up, or not, for the princess of the Zora tribe, the only one of her people who didn't get sealed in ice, The Sage of Water the Ganondick killed in TP, Ruto the fish bitch.

Ruto: H-how dare you!

Metus: Man she creeps me out! I wouldn't touch that thing with a twelve foot pole. I really feel for OoT Bugger, having to deal with that stalker thing.

MoO: Anyhow, Time to go over who has what! To make things interesting, I've given each of them grenades from Borderlands! Saria gets Stickies, Ilia has incendiary rubberized, Romani gets duds-

Romani: HUH?

MoO: *ignoring* - Midna has corrosive Longbow, which warp to the target, Malon has Transfusion Grenades, and Ruto gets Chock Contacts.

Metus: Each has a magnum and five extra clips, that's 36 shots each. Saria had forest magic, Ilia, Romani, and Malon get one horse stampede, Midna gets twili magic and the fuesed shadows, and Ruto gets water magic. You may have noticed this arena favors those without horses, as there is no room for them. Except Epona, who had great balance.

Malon: *to Ilia and Romani* HA!

MoO: I think we've covered everything. Metus?

Metus: I think you're right.

MoO & Metus: **LET THE BATTLE... !**

Midna turns into Romani and kicks Ilia into water, then hides in cloud, waiting for Romani to do the dirty work and watch the others.

Malon and Epona jump from platform to platform, shooting at Saria while she tries to control the trees. Ruto dive into the water and looks for an opening, finding one with Romani, who is trying to load her gun.

Romani: Stupid piece of...

Ruto: *jumps out of water* AHA!

Romani: AIIIIIIIIYYYY! *throws grenade and hits Ruto in head, knocking her out* Uh.. How did, huh?

MoO: You can't just knock them out, thy must be killed.

Romani: *shoots Ruto in head*

Ruto dissolves into foam as Romani aims at Malon when Ilia tackles her into water.

Ilia: DIE MIDNA!

Romani: I'm not Midna!

Ilia: Sure you're not. *slaps Romani repeatedly*

While Romani and Ilia fought in the water, Midna laughed as her plan worked unbelievably well and threw one of her grenades. Since it wa a longbow grenade, it warps right to them, and their eyes went wide with fear when they saw it. And since it was a corrosive grenade, they were engulfed in acid when it exploded, which was undoubtedly painful. Midna laughed again.

MoO: Well, It looks like Midna victory was even easier then we thought. That just leaves Saria and Malon who- *interrupted by massive water explosion*

Ruto had dissolved into the water and become a giant demon water fish thing, who was just about to engulf the entire arena when...

MoO: ILLEGAL ACTION! YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD! *warps her to Grue pit*

Saria and Malon, after recovering from the weirdness that had just occurred, returned to their fight. Saria made the trees and plant platforms twist and attempt to whip, slash, and crush Malon, but Epona kept her out of harms way. She continued to fire, but realized she had only three bullets left. So she threw a grenade, which missed when melted into the wood.

MoO: Whoa. That's a new trick.

When Saria came out, however, multiple streams of white particles ripped through her stomach, going into Malon and healing what few wounds she had.

MoO: Ouch, forgot it was a transfusion grenade. Weird shit those things.

Epona leapt straight for Sari, who could barely stand, and flipped over her as she landed on the platform. Malon, upside down and epic, lined up her shot, and fired all three of her remaining bullets into Saria's head.

MoO: ...Epic win. *reverts everything and returns to main room* Next!

Aryl: Everyone pay up!

*Ganondick grudgingly gave his money to Zelda, Vaati, and Majora, who had all bet Malon would get OoT and Midna would get TP. The random monsters gave their cash to whoever won and all that good shit*

Vaati: Oh no.

Aryl: Sorry.

MoO: I'm not. *revives Buggers* KILL!

Vaati: Ack! *hacked to bits*

MC Bugger: Kills Vaati when he first shows up, but he manages to turn Zelda to stone anyway*

Ezlo: nagnagnagnag...

Vaati: By the Gods, MAKE IT STOP!

Teal and Navi: *tango*

Cila: *does the robot*

Tatl: *Dance censored*

Everyone but Tingle: *Barfing their guts out*

Tingle: *dead from pleasure*

MoO: BLARRRG! UGH! THAT WAS THE MOST HORRIFYING THING I'VE EVER SEEN! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

Kaine: Ug... Tael and Navi win. Where's the brain bleach?

Saria: Yippee! *sets Kokiri Forest on fire* Die die die die! *kills the kokiri girl on the shop, sets the shop on fire, incinerates Mido, kills the guy humping the rock, torches the kokiri girl that's a bitch to get to, kills that guy by the place you got the kokiri sword, and reduces Great Deku tree to ashes*

Deku Sprout: W-why? Why would you do this?

Saria: I dunno. *turns Deku Sprout to charcoal*

MoO: Nicely done. Here's your cookie.

Saria: Yay! *eats cookie*

MoO: Ok, next dares!

Aryl: Wait, MoO?

MoO: Yeah? *looks* God damn you. It's milk with chocolate syrup in it. But now I have a somewhat racist joke about it. Mexican cows.

* * *

_all girls: pole dance for the guys_

_guys: if you film i will the you to omega_

_rajak: hoe about you shut up about your citadel because ITS MINE AND DONT YOUFORGET IT JACKASS I LET YOU HAVE IT FOR 50K A MONTH AND IVE LET YOU GO WITHNOT PAYING FOR THE LAST 4 MONTHS BECAUSE HEART OF DARKNESS IS SO EPIC BUTNOW-holds up contract and shreds it- PAY UP OR GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CITADELOR IF YOU DONT I THROW YOU TO OMEGA_

* * *

MoO: At least this is short.

All Girls except the underage ones: *highly erotic pole dancing*

All Guys: *drooling*

Metus: *recording on his phone*

MoO: Did you not read the dare?

Metus: OMEGA's dead.

MoO:... THERE IS NO PUNISHMENT FOR TAPING!

All Guys: *take out phones*

Metus: Don't you love loopholes?

Rajak: ...What is this guy smoking, moon rocks? What could possibly, POSSIBLY, make him think this citadel is his? Remember back in chapter two? I paid for the construction and maintenance of this whole damn place! And not only is OMEGA dead, I'm the one who killed it. I didn't want it in MY Citadel. And I can summon the WTDEBS, and can be extremely sarcastic, so grues are no problem either. Seriously, what is this guy on?

* * *

_You got stuck in the closet the Ganondorf? 0-0 Oh lord I'm sorry! Anyways, dare time!_

_Heh heh heh, GanonLink is perfect torture for those two. Now I wonder what reactions VaatiLink would get? _

_All characters that MoO doesn't like get tortured by my OC Meddy! She very sadistic and loves to please her clients, how long to do want to work? _

_Dark Link vs Metal Sonic!_

_MoO, if you could have a harem with any Nintendo character in it, who would you have._

_Have a harem lemon with all those women being willing_

* * *

MoO: Yeah, not fun.

Vaati: Well-

Ezlo: nagnagnagnagnagnagnag

Vaati MAKE IT STOP!

MoO: Fangirls would go insane and make love to their computers. Just like every other bizarre-ass pairing out there. *reads* Sorry but no. I was willing to until I read that she was "the 4th ed". *sudders* Ed, Edd & Eddy is NOT a show I enjoy.

Knil: Not a problem.

MoO: *TO ARENA!*

*arena is now a desert with curved super-plastic walls separating arena and bleachers*

Knil: *draws twin black katana* What? These are way more badass than a dark Master Sword.

Metal Sonic: *rolls around super fast*

MoO: Normally I would make this epic, but I'm all epic'd out for this chapter. *speeds up time so all that is seen in flashes, explosions of darkness, half a katana embedded in the wall, and finally Knil standing victorious over a mutilated Metal Sonic with a katana and a half*

Knil: Hahahaha! I'm the greatest!

MoO: *reads* If I list all the chicks I'd do, would crash from the size of this chapter. Next dares.

* * *

__

EPIC SAGA OF ALL THAT IS-TrUtH-8D VAATI ZELDA TETRA LINK TOON LINK & RANDOM OTHER GIRL TELL EVERY SECRET AND MOMENT OF LIFE , MULT, OF OMEGA-YOU WILL BE W-O-R-S-H-I-P-E-D

_

* * *

_

MoO: ? I'm not sure what you mean, please clarify. I enjoy the thought of being W-O-R-S-H-I-P-E-D, so I'll do it if I can. And on that note the chapter is over. 4600 words and 19 pages. Damn. Please review as I cannot write without dares, and check out my other fics while your at it, you may find something awesome.


	5. OH NOEZ!

MoO: Welcome once again to Legend of Zelda; Truth or Dare!

Kaine: No matter how many times you do that, no one will applaud.

MoO: Stop trollin'.

* * *

_ok then first off i am not smoking moon rocks or anything else_

_ahh forget it DARES_

_lets turn things around guys pole dance for the girls this time_

_now if you film you will have to go into the former omega door and face your worst fears auto generated back there_

_RAJAK: THIS IS MY CITADEL -summons an army of rajak/MoO yaoi fans and 50captain falcon clones, then grows demon wings summons demon griffon and takessoul edge and soul caliber after absorbing the whole triforce the chaosemeralds and everyones godly powers- I WILL KILL YOU AND IF YOU INSULT ME IWILL THROW YOU TO THE TAILS DOLL_

_guys: who do you like better, rajak who sits around yelling at you or me whomakes the girls strip for you and only kill those i hate which are tingle andpurlo_

_HoD Majora: here - gives him new refurbished strengthened flaming zantetsukenand an immortallity gem_

_MoO: -blocks all annoying nicknames- please tell me your plans for mycharacter in HoD and what you think in general of him_

All guys: *pole dan-*

**Space and Time simultaneously asplode**

MoO: *shuddering*

Kaine: I knew it.

Rajak: *throws hands in air/void* Really? Just really?

MoO: Would you have rather seen THAT?

Rajak: Good point. Just fix it.

MoO: *fixes reality* And if you can remember, there is now a Grue in there.

Rajak: *looks over the horde of yaoi fans and Captain Falson clones* Not bad, not bad at all. But. I've seen better. Much, better.

*thousands of fleshy pods hit the ground and explode into Hydralisks and Zerglings*

Rajak: Meet my newest pets; the Zerg.

Batfuck horde of Hydralisks and Zerglings: *devours yaoi fans and infects Captain Falons*

Infected Captain Falson Clones: *turn on you* _**Faalcooon PAWNCH!**_

*THE COMBINED POWER OF 50 INFECTED FALCON PAWNCHES ANIHILATES SPACE, TIME, AND THE GODS THEMSELVES, AND THAT SURE AS HELL MEANS YOU'RE DEAD*

Rajak: ... You did well. Just not well enough.

MoO: O_o

Kain: !

MoO: I... Uh...*remakes reality* Damn. Just... Damn.

Rajak: I don't mess around when it comes to the Citadel.

Everyone: *looks at Rajak and the Brutalisk that stayed behind for security* *remembers Reviewer being killed by 50 Falcon Pawnches* R...Rajak...

Rajak: Smart.

HoD Majora: *Looks over new flaming Zantetsuken* I like. Oh Link, might I have a word with you?

*One Link-slaughtering later*

HoD Majora: It works wonders for stress.

Link: *skinned and mutilated body plastered onto wall with fire, darkness, and blood*

MoO: Weeeell... I guess I could. I see him as a Mercenary working for Majora. I think I have another thing for him to do later on, but we'll just have to wait and see for that.

* * *

_Guuuuueeeeeeeeees whoooooooooooo?_

_That's right, it's ME! POKEWARRIZELDAFAN!_

_With an account! *lightning and thunder sound effects*_

_Anyway, OMG I thought this was a goner! As soon as I see it I'm like, holycrap it's MOO! _

_And no, I will not go back to Moo. You are Cowman-go-Moo, now. XD_

_The long dares were epic. Especially the massive brawl. I KNEW MIDNA WOULDWIN! I KNEW IT! XD XD XD XD_

_I was laughing at how Saria had no mercy for the creatures of the forest whenshe went pyro. XD_

_Anyway:_

_DARES!:_

_Midna: You won the epic brawl. NOW BURN ILIA! _

_Ilia: Get turned to stone by Vaati_

_Romani: Try and get payback on Midna for framing you._

_Ezlo: Nag Vaati for an entire chapter_

_Vaati: Do nothing while Ezlo nags you. You have to do anything a dare says,though. XD_

_ST Link: YOU LOOK SO CUTE IN THE ENGINEER'S OUTFIT! Even better in theRecruit's Uniform... X3... (I know this isn't a dare, but still!)_

_Truths:_

_ST Zelda: Did you look at Link when he was changing into the Recruit's Uniformin the beginning? XD_

_ST Link: Ghost Zelda or Alive Zelda, which do you prefer?_

_FSA Links: Wow, in the manga you guys would fight over who was the real Link alot. Can't believe you guys decided Green. XD_

_Vio: Does that book you always have in the manga happen to BE a manga? XD_

_Random-Fawning-Over-Characters:_

_Kyaaaaaa, ST Link... And the FSA Links... And basically all the Links ingeneral... X3_

_Sorry for the long review__,_

_~Fanaticofmanythings~_

MoO: I can stand long reviews, but let's lay off the long dares for a bit shall we? *reads* Cowman-go-Moo? *facepalm*

Midna: With pleasure! *snaps fingers and Ilia bursts into shadow flame*

Ilia: AAAAAIIIIIYYYYY! *dies*

MoO: I have to revive her?

Kaine: We get to see her turn to stone.

MoO: Point taken. *revives Ilia*

Vaati: To stone with you!

Ilia: *petrified*

Midna: *karate chops Ilia with magic hair/hand*

Ezlo: nagnagnagnagnagna-*set on fire*

Vaati: THANK YOU!

MoO: We did that last chapter, it was annoying.

ST Link: Uh... Thanks...?

ST Zelda: Um, I, that is, uhh... *all eyes on her* We may look young, but we're like, 15!

MoO: Fair enough.

ST Link: Alive, ghost Zelda kinda scared me. But it was nice to have a Phantom on my side in that evil tower.

Red: Yea yea, he's the original I guess...

Vio: We are just parts of one whole. And yes, it is a manga.

All Links: *back away veeerrrry slowly*

* * *

_Huh, I had yet to review and I was still in the audience for the epic fight. Neat!_

_Truths:_

_Midna-what is the average wingspan of a swallow?_

_Green Link-does it annoy you to have three crazy clones?_

_Vaati-what's so interesting about humans? We're mostly just greedy bums._

_Dares:_

_Malon-I don't hate you, but I deem you worthy of this traditional dare. Flythrough Area 6 from Star Fox 64. If you do not know what this is...look itup!_

_Rajak-sing the Barbie Girl song. And no, no killing me, _

_Ganondorf-Fight Navi to the death with a shrubbery._

_Hopefully you don't get any long dares this round. Ciao!_

Midna: 27-35 cm.

MoO: You know this how?

Midna: Google.

Green: Yes. Very much. *crazy clones tackle him*

Vaati: That may be, but I must know something about you creatures. Even in the face of the impossible, you endure and somehow KILL ME! *turns to FS Links and MC Link* WHERE DO YOU GET THAT POWER? *pulls out scalpel* I MUST KNOW! *chases them out of room*

MoO: *sweat drop* Anyway... *warps Malon to Aera 6*

Malon: *choking in void of space*

Random Laser Weapon: *kills her*

MoO: That was quick.

Rajak: WHAT?

MoO: Don't worry, not happening. I was going to make him do it, but them I had a massive seizure upon reading the lyrics.

Ganondorf: *lights shrub on fire*

Navi: Uh...

Ganondorf: *traps Navi under shrub* BURN YOU SPARKLY BITCH!

* * *

_that was creepy_

_dares__: _

_link KILL ILLA_

_moo:dont reive illa_

_malon: kill romani_

_minda: kill the zoras_

_navi: somehow rape link_

_ganon: fall off a cliff and die_

_all link: battle to the death to see who is the best_

_vaati: kill the winner_

_ruto: play 7 minutes in heaven with ganon_

_din: KILL THE GORONS_

_zelda: kill impa_

* * *

Link: Didn't I already do that?

MoO: Technically, no. I took over your mind and had you do it. This time; no mind control. Just a nuclear bomb in Ordon.

Link: *pales* You have got to be joking!

MoO: Nope.

Link: *kills Ilia*

MoO: Good. *warps in jumbotron showing Ordon* But too slow.

Ordon: **BIG BADDA BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!**

Link: - *coughing*- OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *emo emo, cut cut, bleed bleed*

MoO: That was even more entertaining than the explosion.

Malon: *whistles*

Horse Stampede: *tramples Romani to death*

MoO: Oh yeah, I forgot to take away your powers and ammo. *takes it away*

Midna: *freezes Zora's Domain* Done.

Navi: Heehee!

MoO: *kills her before she tries anything* Not happening.

Ganondorf: Ganon? Who is that? I am Ganon_dorf_.

MoO: Ohhh no you don't! That may have worked in other fics, but not here!

Ganondorf: But I'm not Ganon.

MoO: Your pig form is. *turns Ganondorf into Ganon and pushes him/it off a cliff*

All Links: *EPIC BATTLE THAT I'M NOT GONNA TYPE*

Skyward Sword Link: *jumps off cliff randomly over citadel and kills other Links with whip and bowling bombs before vanishing mysteriously*

MoO: We don't need to know anything about him. HE IS... EPIC.

Vaati: *covered in blood* But now I can't kill him!

MoO: ...Come to think of it... FS Links weren't there. And neither was MC Link.

Vaati: *hides bloody scalpel*

Ruto: Um... Does that mean...?

MoO: Yes. *throws her in large closet with Ganon* Since Ganon_dorf_ won't do his dares, Ganon the pig beast will be doing them instead.

(seven minutes later)

Ruto: *eaten alive*

Din: Ok. *makes Death Mountain explode* I never really liked them anyway.

Zelda: *arrow of light on Impa*

MoO: O-ver-powered.

* * *

_a t or d fic_

_YEAYZZZ_

_dares:_

_ruto: i FUCKING WANT U TO DIE SO get eaten by spider boss from tp_

_illa: BURN STUPID HORSE BITCH_

_epona: kill illa by burning her_

_link: jump up and down on navi with iron boots on_

_navi: FUCKING DIE_

_minda: i DONT hate u sooo kill all links fangirls and go in the closet withlink ALL of them _

_moo: VIDEO TAPE THAT ITS AMAZING PORN_

_majora: burn all of the mm bosses_

_zelda: DEYSTROY ALL OF ZEE LIGHT ARROWS everone there overpowered_

_saria: ummmmm ahah CUT OUT MIDOS HEART AND EAT IT_

_ruto: i STILL HATE U so RAPE GANON_

_link: kill all the pokemon_

_NOW._

_FEEL._

_MY._

_WRATH!_

_*shoots shotgun into air*_

_

* * *

_

Arachnighoma: *eats Ganon since he ate Ruto*

MoO: *scared shitless again*

Kain: Oh for the love of... *kills Arachnighoma*

MoO: Thank you. Ilia is already dead. Buuuuuut. *opens portal to Hell*

Ilia's Soul: *burning while being ripped apart by skeletal horses tied to her limbs*

MoO: *closes portal* Sorry Epona. Epona?

Epona: *pouring fire on Ilia's Soul in Hell*

MoO: Where did that horse get to?

Link: *ties to jump, fails*

MoO: At least she's been crushed to death.

Midna: *kills Fangirls* And now. *takes all Links into large closet*

MoO: Turns on multiple cameras in closet.

Kaine: Perv.

MoO: It was a dare!

Kaine: Those have been there for three weeks.

MoO: ...Just be quiet.

Majora: No problem. They failed me after all. *sets their masks on fire, killing them*

Zelda: *destroys light arrows*

MoO: ...That was too easy.

Zelda: I can make more whenever.

Saria: *eating Mido's charred heart* Tastes weird.

Ruto: *being digested twice*

MoO: I don't think that'll be happening any time soon.

Link: *kills however many there are now*

MoO: Annnnd Done! RANDOM GUN FIGHT!

(One random gunfight later)

MoO: Can't beat my NSR bitch! That's Nuclear Sniper Rifle for those playing at home. *snipes Republicans*

Republicans: *nuclear asplosion*

MoO: Now then. *revives everyone but Ilia*

Kaine: That rifle is gay.

MoO: You're gay.

*nails on chalkboard*

Kaine: You... Do you know... What you have just done?

MoO: ...That was an unfortunate choice of words.

(Rabid yoai-hungry fangirls swarm citadel)

MoO: There is only one way to survive. PUSSY OUT! *warps into other dimension*

Kaine: *same*

Rajak: BASTARDS! *follows us*

* * *

* * *


	6. Rajak is Hacking

MoO: *opens portal and slowly steps out* Is it safe?

Kaine & Rajak: *also reenter reality*

*Citadel is painted random girly colors and all female characters have been ripped limb from limb, while every male character was forced to make gay porn until they died. The fangirls had grown bored when everyone was dead and moved on to terrorize the rest of the world*

Rajak: MY CITADEL!

Kaine: I'm just glad we know how to make a portal to C's World. Or else we would have had to see this shit.

MoO: Yeah. Damn. Time to fix it. *snaps fingers, causing all reality to fix itself* On to the dares!

Link: Are you serious? Look at what we just went through!

Kaine: You need to learn he doesn't care.

* * *

_Huh, you hate Republicans? Glad I'm a Dem!_

_Truths:_

_Link-you and Marth both use legendary hand-and-a-half swords. Are you related?_

_Marin-you don't get a lot of attention. You do know that seagulls sing horribly, right?_

_Elder Gentari-you get less attention. What's under your hat?_

_Dares:_

_Rajak-sing the Super Smash Bros. Brawl Theme song. In its native Latin. And again, no killing me._

_MC Link-switch legendary swords with WW Link and see what happens._

_Impa-learn to fly, Douglas Adams style._

_Ah, this came out quickly and was good. Just what we all like to see._

* * *

Link: No.

Rajak: *sets Link on fire* Worthless clod! Couldn't even try to protect the citadel!

MoO: How could you possibly know that?

Rajak: I have surveillance cameras, remember?

Marin: *singing randomly over there... To the north-west... no, little to the left...*

MoO: *blinks* I don't think she's even aware of us.

Gentari: My kinstone collection. Where else would I put those thing-a-ma-jigs?

Rajak: Hmm... I wouldn't mind that one.  
Audi famam illius.  
Solus in hostes ruit  
et patriam servavit.  
Audi famam illius.  
Cucurrit quaeque  
tetigit destruens.  
Audi famam illius.  
Audi famam illius.  
Spes omnibus, mihi quoque.  
Terror omnibus, mihi quoque.  
Ille  
iuxta me.  
Ille iuxta me.  
Socii sunt mihi.  
qui olim viri fortes  
rivalesque erant.  
Saeve certando pugnandoque  
splendor crescit.

MoO: That is one epic song.

MC Link: Ok... *trades with WW Link* *attacks Vaati*

Vaati: *pwned*

MC Link: 0.0 Can I keep it?

Impa: ... This will not go well.

MoO: It's easy, just throw yourself at the ground and miss. Watch. *throws self forward and is suddenly distracted by a nickel* OHH SHINEY! *bobs randomly in air*

Impa: ... O...K... Um... *throws self at ground and fails to miss*

Kaine: Maybe the first attempt shouldn't have been of the main spire?

MoO: *puts hand to ear* Still falling... falling... maybe... oh, wait, I heard the splat.

* * *

_Mido:Listen to Navi say "HEY LISTEN" for 1 hour_

_Ganondorf:Play the water temple from OOT while blindfolded._

_Queen Gohma: sue Armogohma for copying you._

_Ruto: Fight in the Cave of . _

That is all.

* * *

MoO: *throws Mido in closet with Navi* We'll check back her later.

Ganondorf: I, uhh... *blindfolded* Here goes nothing.

*insert complete and utter fail*

Queen Ghoma: *sues Aracnighoma*

MoO: *equips weapon GIANT FLYSWATTER* DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIIIIEEEEE!

Ruto: *pwned. What else is there to say?*  


* * *

  
_if i get picked heres some of mine _

_MM link: be romanis girlfrend for the rest of wen he finishes this story_

_romani: make out with link_

_malon: have an orgy with everyone from kokiri forest_

_gannondork: do the same above but with the MM gerudo pirates_

_navi: tell tael that you like him_

_moo: watch 2 girls 1 cup on a loop OC kill him if he escapes_

_zelda: kill ganon_

_tatl: watch navi and tael make out_

_TRUTHS_

_link: do you enjoy bein fierce deity_

_romani: do you care about link_

_cremia: is anju your best frend_

_saria: did you enjoy crazy frog_

_hope you pick me for your chapter bye_

_numbuh_006_

* * *

MoO: I pick everyone, so no worries there!

MM Link: U-um.. Ok...

Romani: *squeals and starts making out with MM Link*

MoO: ...Young... Love... *engulfed in evil aura*

MM Link & Romani: *quiet*

Malon: Ugh! They're just kids!

MoO: I have to agree with her on this one. Try everyone in Castle Town, I can do that.

Malon: W-what?

Ganondorf: BOOYAH! *off to have the time of his life*

Kaine: Does he know they don't follow him?

MoO: I would say... no.

*the next day*

Ganondorf: *crawling back to citadel* So... much... pain...

Kaine: How'd it go?

Ganondorf: Friction burn...

Everyone: ?

Ganondorf: Heheh... they may be different Gerudo... but they still only have other women... if you catch my drift. Pain... They're so kinky.

Kaine: ... *facepalm*

MoO: Un-frickin-believable.

Navi: Um... Tael?

Tael: Yeah?

Navi: I, uh... that is, I... Like you. *hides*

Tael: I like you too!

Navi: Really?

Tael: Yeah...

*lovey fairy shit*

Kaine: UNCLEAN!

MoO: My eyes! *incinerates them* Much better.

Kaine: S-speaking of burning eyes.

MoO: FUCK NO! I made that mistake once before, AND IT IS NOT HAPPENING AGAIN, MUCH LESS ON A LOOP!

Kaine: No one blames you.

Zelda: Done.

Ganondorf: *hundreds of light arrows sticking out of Ganon, making him look like a pincushion*

MoO: OVERPOWERED.

Tatl: I don't care. Really. *giant evil aura*

Kaine: We believe you.

Link: No, no I do not. Every time I put that thing on I hear this creepy voice whispering in my ear saying things. Evil, evil things. *fetal position*

MoO: Wow. I suddenly want to force that mask on him.

Romani: You did see that scene earlier right?

Cremia: Well, not really. I guess maybe. I dunno.

Anju: *shrugs*

Kaine: Truths bore me. *shoots them*

Saria: FUCK YOU FOR EVEN ASKING THAT!

* * *

_ a chance to scar or maim the zelda cast_

_link: WHOS THE BEST 1_

_minda: your pretty awsome its not a dare or a truth but kill the people innnn_  
_KANIS_

_zelda: get the shit beat out of you by everone_

_ruto:GET STABBED OVER 100 TIMES AT THE SAME TIME_

_minda: kill the zora and no freezing them so unoriginal_

_saria: ummm dye ur hair rainbow an try to go into a rave_

_moo: DEYSTROY SWEEDEN_

_illa: punch chuck norris it said your entire arm will shatter_

_NOW_

_entire cast: MEGA FIGHT TO THE DEATH NO AUTHOR POWER OR ANY OF THAT SHIT_

_IM FINISHED_

* * *

MoO: I'm going to assume you want them to fight over who is better.

All Links: *Epic Fight! ...Not.*

Oni Link: *pwns them all with one swing*

Midna: Uh.. Sure, why not? *Kanis is swallowed by the void*

Kaine: Wait, since when do you control the void?

Midna: I won it off of the Cloud of Darkness in a poker match.

Zelda: U-um... Can't we talk about this?

Everyone else: *shiny evil eyes*

*one slaughter-fest later*

Zelda: *splattered all over room*

Rajak: I've got this one. *impales Ruto with hundreds on knives, dirks, swords, etc.*

Midna: No prob. *Warps death mountain over zora's domain and dumps all the lava on it*

Saria: Ok. *dyes hair and goes to rave*

MoO: Hmm... How to do this... *snaps fingers* I'll send a cuckoo!

*Sweden*

Cuckoo: Cluck cluck cluck.

Dog: ARF ARF ARF! *bites cuckoo*

Cuckoo: COCKADOODLEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*the sky slowly darkens and rain begins to fall. The rain is not water, but feathers. Soon cuckoos begin to fall from the sky, gathering on every building, tree, and street post in the country*

*BATFUCK-CRAZY-SHITSTORM!*

MoO: That felt good. EPIC BATTLE TIME! I'll just be watching from over there.

Kaine: Oh no, you're part of this too!

MoO: Fine. No author powers eh? Fine then. *crumples to ground*

Kaine: Huh? *eyes widen* OH SHI-

Giant Robot Dragon: *busts through the floor* Hahaha! Behold one of my many artificial bodies, THE BEAST!

Rajak: You fucker!

The Beast: This is completely allowed, now die! *radiation bomb*

Rajak & Kaine: Still alive.

Everyone else: *dead*

The Beast: Shall we dance? Eat missiles! *blows the place to hell*

Kaine: *jumping off of missiles and shooting at The Beast*

Rajak: *warps right up to The Beast and starts hacking at armor an shooting at joints*

The Beast: That won't work! *grey goo explodes out of The Beast, ciovering everything* Nanobots! Deconstruct!

Nanobots: *dissolve everything in citadel, including the citadel*

The Beast: ...Oops.

Rajak: OH COME ON!

Kaine: Sucks for you.

MoO: How are you alive?

The Beast: *turned off*

Kaine: We can warp, duh.

Rajak: Just fix the damn place.

MoO: Right. *fixes place* NEXT!

* * *

_ Round 3... Man, I need a bikini-clad girl to walk around in sexy manner with_  
_a Round 3 sign... Hey Zelda! You're my new bikini girl!_

_Anyway, on with the dares..._

_Sheik and Tetra: which one is better? Pirates or ninjas?_

_Ganondork Fagmire: Did you like the fish sticks?_

_Bugger: I say you go and give those ReDeads a nice big smooch._

_Chancellor Cole: remember the vilest purposes you stole Toon Zelda's body_  
_for? Well, they were a little too G rated for me. I'm looking for a little_  
_Rated X. I would love for Jumbotron to show us just how graphic it is. It_  
_will be quite explosive, if you know what I mean._

_Mido: Let's take YOUR fairy away from you and see how Link treats you._

_Navi: I'm going to put link in a straight jacket and a room_

_With padded walls. Use your imagine-HEY!-tion (terrible pun alert. _  
_BUZZKILL!)_

_Kefka: You, Heath Ledger, and Sephy up for some more death and destruction? _  
_There's a kid in green running around Termina who's trying to stop the moon_  
_from destroying the world. Do you think you can stop him from stopping it? _  
_I'll give you guys a cookie... And of course the blood of your enemies..._

_Vaati: Congratulations. You are now a blind sorcerer._

_Aryll and Marin: Join the I Hate Seagulls club._

_Darunia: What does that scouter say about Volvagia's power level?_

_Mr. Nabooru: I liked the girl better. Please change back and stop giving me_  
_nausea by looking where you just were..._

_Malon: Do you think you could put a megaphone in front of your ear while_  
_Aryll goes Hoy?_

_Tingle: I want you suspended over a pool of lava by your ankles. And that_  
_chain holding you needs to lower toward the lava slowly. And we will laugh as_  
_hard as we can._

* * *

Zelda: How long do I have to do this?

MoO: Until you get a dare.

Rajak: That happened already. Ninja's are better because I used razor wire to cut their heads off.

Ganondorf: I'm not falling for it again damn you!

Link: ...I hate you so much.

Redead: Urrragooo...

Link: Ugh... *kisses Redead*

Redead: GLAAARRRRGGHHH! *eats Link*

MoO: I guess it didn't like him.

Cole: YOU STOLE ME LUCKY CHARMS!

MoO: No I didn't you freaky little leprechaun!

Cole: Ahem, I am a sick and twisted individual, and was not allowed to do what I wanted with Zelda's body.

Kaine: I'm thinking we shouldn't go any further.

Cole: Meheheheh, it's in my dare, so I get to do it, right? RIGHT?

MoO: *sweatdrop* Um... S-sure.

Cole: *grabs ST Zelda and goes in other room*

MoO: Now for the horror. *summons jumbotron*

Jumbotron: *shows Cole using Zelda and another girl to...*

All: OMGWTF?

MoO: DAMMIT ALL TO HELL! WHY?

Jumbotron: *showing recreation of Two Girls One Cup*

*One Fire Purge later*

MoO: Ok... ok... ok...

Kaine: I hate Cole so much now.

Mido: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Kid Link: Don't worry Mido, I'm not going to make fun of you.

Mido: *sniff* R-really?

Kid Link: Of course not, I'm just going to put this on youtube and let other people mock you for me. *posts on youtube*

Mido: -

Navi: HEYLOOKLOOKLISTENHEY! *flies into room*

*one hour later*

MoO: Ok, the dare is very done now, sooo-*whips out thermonuclear cannon*- DIE!

Room: *asplodes*

MoO: I looked this Ledger guy up and he seems to be dead so... Yeah. But Kef and Seph can handle it.

Kefka: *turns into god-form and blast's Link with Forsaken* Be careful! *Three discs of light appear behind him* It's filling me up! *Light of Judgment obliterates Link* That was titillating...

Link: *somehow still alive*

Sephiroth: *unfurls his wing and slashes Link* I bring you despair. *Focuses on Masamune as equations appear in the air* Ruination to all *Slashes Links, sending him flying into a supernova* Hmhmhm...

Link: *Thoroughly dead*

Vaati: TO STONE WITH YOU! *misses horribly*

Aryll & Marin: *kills themselves*

Darunia: Umm... It's, really high? Wait, what's a scouter?

MoO: Damn it Darunia! You didn't get the reference at all! *shoots Darunia with depleted uranium shells*

Nabooru: I already went back.

Malon: Like this?

Aryll: HOOOYYYYYY!

Malon: *head exploded*

Tingle: *slowly being lowered into lava* Tingle doesn't want to die!

Kaine: Tough.

Tingle: Tingle-Tingle-kooloo-lim-PAH! *warps away*

Everyone: ?

MoO: He can do that?

Zelda: *still holding sign in bikini* Can I stop now?

* * *

_-rides in on flaming undead grue with an army of said enemies behind him hitting rajak with a blast of carramelldansen music stunning him, while hes stunned i rush around destroying all his traps and stuff- _

_if you want to know how i survived its simple the gods died in the pawnch blast because i took their powers and i had them all so i survived _

_now then what do you think of this -points to army of flaming undead grues riddin by yaoi fans like the ones before_

_MoO: dont worry about the nicknames i blocked them remember_

_HoD Majora: so i see you liked the sword and stuff now i have 1 question who do you like better me who made you immrtal and gave ou a badass sword or rajak who gave you nothing also my alter ego merc fee in Hod is 1500 rupees for 5 months, sound fair?_

_Guys: you didnt answer my last question who do you like better me who makes the girls strip or rajak who yells at you all day_

_MoO: you didnt tell me what you thought of xarien i general_

_Illia,Tingle,Purlo,Saria,Mido,and kite from zea900s SSBB fic: DIE-hits with NSR and telepathic mini nuke-_

* * *

Rajak: *yawns* I really don't care. But you are intruding in my citadel again. *turns to grues* You is grues. I speak grammar bad. You head go boom now.

Army of Flaming Undead Grues: *explode from bad grammar*

Rajak: I win. Again. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go fix my traps. Maybe I'll add some new ones while I'm at it. *leaves*

Penguin with peg legs, bat wings, and a fanny pack: You should probably just stop trying, dood.

MoO: Everyone, this is a random prinny I found. Prinnies are the souls of humans who committed too many sins to reincarnate normally. So now they must either work off their sins or collect an amount of money equal to said sins. His name Prillo btw. So Prillo, what are you in for?

Prillo: *shrugs* I think I was a corrupt cop or something, dood.

MoO: Oh, and they say dood a lot.

HoD Majora: Well, as the plot develops you'll see I really don't care in the scheme of things. Rajak has proven a useful assassin, though not against the Links it seems. I'm going to go with you, but that may change if your merc isn't worth the money.

MoO: Actually they did answer, but they were terrified of Rajak at the time. How about now?

Guys: You without a doubt!

Rajak: *on intercom* I heard that.

Guys: *shits themselves*

MoO: Oh! In general I like him, mercs tend to be pretty cool.

Illia,Tingle,Purlo,Saria,Mido,and kite from zea900s SSBB fic: *overkill'd*  


* * *

  
_FINALLY THE BUTTON WORKS_

_ss link: u just well BAFFE DO DE DEATH WITH ALL FORMS OF GANON AND GANONDORF AND MAJORA AN VAATI AND THE BOSS IN ST_

_moo: just kill ever one in hmmm [spins death wheel] WW AND PHG_

_ganondorf: :p all thats needed to be said but well face off ever link including dark an fierce anddd st WITH his train_

_minda: KILL THE CAST OF?jerhsey shore? then do it with sheik_

_sheik: KILL THE PIRATES_

_zant: UR STILL A PEDOPHILE SO U MUST FIGHT UR WAY THROUGH EVER DEMON IN HELL/UNDERWORLD NO SKIPPING_

_navi: in truth i HATES U so u shall be thrown into a jar with rusty nails and knives etc... then dramaticly thrown in the ocean _

_rajak: FALCON PWANCH THE CAST WITH A 10000000 INFECTED CAPTIN FALCONS_

_ruto: i belive that U R A STUPID BIACTH SO... phear the PUPPYIESYS OF FATE AND DEATH_

_moo: KAROIKE PARTY need i say more_

_ganondorf: NO KARIOKE FOR U ONLY YAOI AND CRAZY FROG MUZAC_

_saria: WATCH THE CURSED YAOI BUT IT HAS MIDO IN IT[shudders]_

_mido: get raped my orchiharamu from naruto_

_st zelda: get ur hand broken then get run over by a TRAIN DRIVEN BY KITTENS_

_lulu: kill a kitten INFRONT OF ALPHONES FROM FMA:BROTHERHOOD_

_all zeldas: just kill urselves dont care how_

_NOW._

_PHEAR._

_THE._

_WRATH._

_OF._

_ME._

_AND._

_KITT3NS._

_MUHAHAHAHA[lighting]_

* * *

SS Link: *falls from sky and kills them all before mysteriously vanishing*

MoO: I should explain. Until his game actually releases, he has god-like power over all previous game characters. Interesting eh? *reads dare* Hmm... I already used the shitstorm this chapter so...

(this starts playing: .com/watch?v=QCAdtd3Eknc)

?: HAAAAAAAAAAhahahahahahaaaaa! *short kid in shorts and a red scarf leaps into room. He also has weird antenna things in his blue hair.* It is I! The Great and Powerful Overlord Laharl!

MoO: What the hell?

Laharl: I hear there are some worlds that need destroying. I bet they'll make great netherworlds for me to rule!

MoO: ...Attention all readers. If you have not already played the crack-fest that is the Disgaea series, go buy them. They are strategy RPG gold. And also where Prinnies are from. *turns to Laharl* Knock yourself out.

*In the world of WW*

A peaceful and normal day in the Great Sea. They knew it wouldn't last. A portal opens in the sky and demons of all shapes and sizes fly/fall out*

Laharl: *flies out of portal using scarf that had turned into wings and carrying a really big sword* Kill them all! Haaaaaaaahahahahahahaaaa!

Everyone in WW: *killed/eaten/committed suicide*

*in the world of PHG*

Normal, peaceful, etc. Not for long.

Everyone in PHG: *same as above*

*back at citadel*

(can stop music now. Or not, I think it's fun as hell)

MoO: ...That kid is insane.

Ganondorf: *pwned by Oni before the others can react*

Oni: I'm the Great and Powerful Lord of Chaotic Chaos. Sucks to be you.

Midna: *kills everyone on Jersy Shore and drags Sheik to another room*

*later*

Sheik: *hits a button and Pirate Ships explodes*

Zant: *evil badass mode* Hmhmhm... I have already finished with those creatures. They bored me. *crazy pedo mode* HIIIHIHIHIHIHIIII! *snaps neck repeatedly*

MoO: I swear I didn't know.

Link: *traps navi in jar with rusty nails and stuff and throws it into ocean in slow motion*

Rajak: *over intercom* This is your punishment for saying he was better. Enjoy.

10000000 INFECTED CAPTIN FALCONS: FALCON PAWWWWWWWNNNCH!

*EVERYONE ASPLODS*

MoO: *fixes reality*

Ruto: Aww©, puppies! *runs to pet*

Puppies of Fate and Death: *get scared of crazy bitch trying to pet/rape them and run for their fucking lives*

Ruto: PUPPIIIEESSSS©!©!©!©!

MoO: I'm... Very very scared.

*one really, REALLY horrible karaoke party later*

MoO: *smashing speakers* NEVER AGAIN!

Kaine: Should we let Ganondork out of the closet?

MoO: No, he has to come out himself *snickers*

Prillo: Uh... Wow dood.

MoO: *glares* Did I mention Prinnies explode when thrown?

Prillo: *gulp* W-w-wait! I'm sorry dood!

Kaine: I could use a demonstration.

MoO: *throws Prillo at Ruto*

Prillo: *explodes*

Kaine: Cool.

Prillo: Ow...

Saria: *in another closet, kicking at door* LET ME OUT!

Mido: *Raped by Orochimaru in another room*

ST Zelda: Say wha- *run over by kittens driving a train*

Lulu: *Kills kitten*

Alphonez: *faints*

Kaine: For a giant suit of armor, he's a pretty big pussy.

All Zeldas: *simultaneous Light arrows*

* * *

_DARE!_

_All Links: Battle over who loves Puss in Boots from Shrek the most!_

_TRUTH!_

_Link: How could you fail so epically when Majora stole Epona?_

* * *

All Links: *pwned by SS Link, who once again disappears*

MM Link: I wasn't exactly expecting something like that you know!

* * *

_link-hug majoras incarnation or you will be tortured by midna in any way she wants then you will be her slave for 1 chapter then...YOU SHALL VE TERMINATED BY THE GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA!_

_midna-see below_

_tingle-hug midna_

_light spirits-show us your dark side_

_majora-kill yourself...because you suck as the final boss in loz:mm_

_zelda-shoot yorself in stomach so you can never give birth ever MUAHAHAHA_

_saria- sing the hamster dance song_

_malon and sheik-play tennis_

_navi and tatl-be the tennis balls for malon and sheik because yall are annoying_

_that is all,thank you_

~*~

Link: *Hugs Majora's Incarnation, which starts moon-walking all over the damn place.*

Midna: Damn. DAMN!

Tingle: *reappears* YAY! I HUG THE FAIRY LADY! *hugs Midna*

Midna: I'm not a fairy damn you!

Light Spirits: They're over there. *points*

Dark Spirits: *black and purple Dragon, Wolf, Tortoise, and Bat* We guard the Dark Realm.

HoD Majora: Glady. *cuts Majora's Mask in half* I really sucked back there. But hey, Oni can't even act without a vessel. If Skullkid had been able to use me to transform... hehe... MUAAHAHAAHAHAAAA!

Zelda: *shoots self in stomach* Dear Nayru, the pain!

Saria: Don't know it.

Malon and Sheik: Playing tennis with Navi and Tatl as the balls*

* * *

_zelda cheated_

_zelda: U CHEATED SO REPEATEDLY BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF EVER ITER VERSION OF URSELF THAT HAS LIGHT ARROWS TILL U BREAK UR ARMS_

_ss link: DEYSTROY PLUTO_

_ruto: u also technically cheated by not getting eaten by spider sooo FACE OFF AGGAINST DARK LINK THEN SS LINK THEN MINDA THEN ILLA_

_epona: hmmmm burn down the stupid dog races in mm_

_majora: force ganondork to EAT POSIN VEGGIES_

_ganon: become seprate from ganondorf_

_ganondorf: FACE THE WRATH OF PUPPET/PHANTOM UMMM... kittens?_

_vaati: KILL THE STUPID NAGGER_

_rajak: u CANT kill or do or say anything_

_dragon boss from tp: deystroy THE CITADEL_

_link: face off against mido but u have no weps and r 10 and have a broken foot_

_giant turtle: FEEL ME DEMONIC WRATH in other words be eaten alive by tp ganon_

_lulu: i DESPISE U so battle against maku dun dun duuuuuu_

_navi: TURN INTO A HYLAIN_

_navi: ATEMPT TO RAPE LINK AGAIN_

_moo: DONT STOP IT_

_minda: fight EVER version of ganon and ganondorf and it has to be written out at the end pick a link _

_twinmold: u R A STUPID BIACHT SO GET KILLED BY GIANT EPONA_

_illa: GET KILLED BY GIANT DEMON BADASS EPONA_

_ever zelda: NO LIGHT ARROWS EVER AGAIN U CANT USE THEM_

_zant: i think ur a pedophile SO GET THROWN IN THE GRUE PIT_

_st link: FLY A TANK_

_tatl: hmmm KILL TERMINA_

_barinade: battle against morpha _

_THAT._

_IS._

_ENOUGH._

* * *

Zelda: Hm? What's an Itter?

MoO: You have avoided your fate this time...

Pluto: *boom*

MoO: Poor Pluto, didn't even count as a planet anymore.

Ruto: * pwned by Knil, pwned by SS Link, pwned by Midna, drownes Illia because she sucks*

Epona: *on fire running in dog track, setting it on fire and burning it down*

Majora: *forces poison vegies down Ganondorf's throat*

Ganondorf: *dies of food poisoning and shit explodes out of his ass like in this one South Park episode*

Ganon: *growls*

Gonondrof: *revived* WHAT? NO! *starts sneezing his head off. Literally after about ten minutes*

Vaati: I CAN'T SEE HIM!

Ezlo: nagnagnag...

Vaati: THERE! *slashes wildly at Ezlo, cutting him to ribbons*

Rajak: ... *Makes rude hand gesture*

MoO: Don't you go and drive away my reviewers!

Rajak: Fuck you too actually.

Kaine: Wait, how are you talking?

Rajak: Hax.

Argorok: *shot repeatedly*

Link: Ummm...

Mido: This is for posting that on Youtube! *kills Link*

Ganon: *eats giant turtle*

Lulu: Nooooooo-*kills Maku*-ooooooo.

MoO: ?

Navi: *turns into surprisingly hot hylian and drags Link into a closet*

Kaine: I'm not sure it counts as rape anymore. Link looked like he was going to enjoy it.

MoO: No. Just no. This chapter is godlessly long already, I don't feel like writing that one, and I've had a pretty shitty day today. Deal with it.

Giant Epona: *tramples Twinmold*

GIANT BADASS DEMON EPONA: *snorts fire on Illia*

Every Zelda: *light arrows reviewer*

MoO: Over-powered or no, I'd be bored otherwise so... yeah.

Zant: *jumps into Grue pit* LET'S BE FRIENDS!

Grue: *SCARY ASS GROWLING, EATING, ETC. NOISES*

St Link: How?

MoO: *warps ST Link into a tank and 10000 feet above citadel*

ST Link: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

*boom*

Tatl: How?

Majora: Ask me to.

Tatl:... Ok go for it.

Majora: *crashes multiple meteors on Termina*

Barinade: *pwned my Morpha*

* * *

_going along with shadiekids dares _

_- summons a bow and kill argarok with arrows of darkness(opposite of light arrows) before he can destroy MY citadel-_

_Zelda: try and stop my dark arrows with your light arrows_

_MoO: my arrows will block zeldas,weaken them so they arent overpowered and turn them into dark ones for me_

_purlo and tingle:- throws them into a giant fryer lifts them out on a barbed fishhook and smashes them to hell with a baseball bat_

* * *

Rajak: Too late, and it's still my citadel. Look around. It is eternal Twilight, and there is an eternal snow fall. This is my citadel, in my realm.

Zelda: Easy. *fires Light arrow*

Dark Arrows: *turns light arrow dark and kills Zelda*

Purlo and Tingle: *dead and missing, respectively*

MoO: Dammit Tingle...

* * *

_i forgot something_

_zelda: you need to find out the exact didget of pie AND find out chuck norris power lvl_

* * *

Zelda: Ha! That's an easy one.

MoO: Oh?

Zelda: THEY'RE OVER 9000!

MoO: GENIUS!  


* * *

  
_i got another dare_

_every one-piss chuck norris off_

_chuck norris-round house majora and zant and gannondork,FALCOWN PAWNCH link to the the next era,eat navi and tatl for breakfast step on tingle,hit midna with the fist in your beard,make malon,saria and zelda watch the most horrible movie ever (over used joke alert*gets shot in head*)OVA times then shoot every one else with your finger like a gun then say ''bang''_

_that is all_

* * *

(This works well here: .com/watch?v=gMyYHAkLvlE&feature=related )

Rajak: This one is all mine. I know how to beat him.

All: *GASP*

Chuck Norris: *suddenly there*

Rajak: I know what you are Chuck. I know that you. Are. A REPUBLICAN!

All: *MORE GASP*

Rajak: An extreme Right-wing nutcase to be exact! So therein lies your weakness!

Chuck Norris: *indifferent*

Rajak: Hehe. Universal heathcare. Free internet.

Chuck Norris: *less indifferent*

Rajak: Alternative energy. Tax breaks for the poor, but not the rich.

Chuck Norris: *sweat drop visible, but otherwise indifferent*

Rajak: Obama is from Hawaii. Several founding fathers were anti-religion.

Chuck Norris: *face turning somewhat red, more sweat*

Rajak: And now, the finisher. WORLD GOVERNMENT!

Chcuk Norris: *face contorts into hideous visage of rage and he lunges at Rajak*

Rajak: *grabs Chuck's throat* The second you showed emotion, you lost your power. *throws him off a cliff, and when he hits, the world lives and he dies*

All: *shocked silence*

Rajak: They're too dumbfounded to speak, but that's the end of the chapter. Chuck Norris is dead and gone. He shall never return to this fic. Have a nice day.


	7. THIS SITE SUCKS!

((I'M BAAAAAACK! Did you miss me?))

MoO: Hello, wand welcome back to this fanfiction which has clearly broken every known law of everything. *looks down cliff to see remains being eaten by crows* How the hell did that even work?

Rajak: Because I'm awesome.

_You know, it's kinda annoying to see how many others have a hard time with their review grammar and spelling. I know this may seem inflammatory, but please, for the sakes of MoO and the readers, try to make your reviews look nice. I'm sorry if I sound horribly conceited._

Truths:

Rajak-we all know your power level is over 9000. So what is it really?

Navi-do you hate bad puns?

Kaine-I'm kinda bored. Got any good jokes?

Dares:

Navi-meet your number-one fan! *Sends over spammy Smash Bros. fan.*

Gentari-I have way too many Kinstones, at least three of each type. Care to fuse Kinstones and try to bring sappy luck to the world?

Volvagia-fight the Vorash lava whale from Metroid: Other M.

Quick truth for MoO: why did you copyright some of Ruto's words last chapter?

MoO: THANK YOU! I can't stand that kind of stuff, at first I was sure it was just them goofing around, but it gets harder to tell as this goes on.

Rajak: It depends actually. But in the citadel it's somewhere around... over 9000 times that.

Kaine: Heheh.

Rajak: I'm being quite serious.

Navi: Yes.

Kaine: Sure. What does a Texas divorce and a tornado have in common?

MoO: What?

Kaine: Either way someone's gonna lose a trailer.

MoO: LOL!

Navi: *spammed to death by specials*

Gentari: Sure!

*after two hours of kinstone fusing*

MoO: Congratz, it is now raining cheesecake.

Volvagia and Vorash: *epic battle in lava consisting of wrestling under the lava, being thrown into walls, and volvagia winning by ripping Vorash's weak point out with his teeth*

MoO: Epic. *reads dare* Wait, what? *reads chapter* DAMMIT ! **

Kaine: Hold on. *squirts me with silly string*

MoO: *calm* Those were supposed to be hearts, but it seems was too retarded to let that happen. Damn.

_MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

Behold this most penultimate of dares!

MoO: Give Majora's Mask and the Fierce Deity's Mask both this much power: The Golden Goddesses + The Four Giants + The Spirits of Good + The Demon King Malladus + SS Link's current power level + What Chuck Norris had before he lost his power + OVER 9000! Captain Falcons + Every Jedi. Period. And have them fight each other in the most climactic of epic battles, which will take place in the citadel.

Vaati: Make up with Ezlo, learn that he was a good mentor and only wanted the best for you, and repent your evil ways. BUT! If you like evil, torture him until he dies, cut out TP Link's balls and eyes out and switch them, and then rape Malon.

Original Link: PWN ST Link with Sword Beams.

Cremia: Rape Vaati for raping your alternate universe self.

Tingle: PLEASE! Turn back to how you were in Majora's Mask, back when you were that goofy guy who sold maps for cheap, stop being a money/force gem/kinstone fusion grubber, and become a humble map salesman again! Oh, and stuff Navi down your pants.

Tatl: Turn into a Hylian, and give MM Link a piece of your mind.

MM Link: If Tatl is angry in the above dare, try to seduce her, and do it anyway ya pansy.

Romani: Be in a threesome with MM Link and Tatl.

Pirate from Tetra's crew who is obviously gay and wears a purple shirt: Come out of the closet.

Pirate from Tetra's crew who is also gay, but has a beard: See above dare.

And truths.

Mido: Are you gay?

Vaati: Can you feel your fangirls?

Vaati: HAVE you felt your fangirls?

Master Sword: Can you talk?

Four Sword: How about you?

Magic Sword from Zelda 1: Can you talk?

Random Needle: Am I crazy for talking to swords?

Kamaro's Mask: Do you house the spirit of Kamaro, or just his dance?

Tael: Will you marry the random needle?

Tonda Gossa.

^-^

P.S. I found this chapter amusing.

P.P.S Post the post scripts post.

P.P.P.S. ~Jioplip.

P.P.P.P.S. Post-post-post-post-script.

MoO: ... Um... Ok...

(This fits pretty well: .com/watch?v=DOtoIBrBAYE&feature=related )

Majora is engulfed in absolute darkness, pulses of violet and green energy discharging from the surface. Oni is engulfed in light and discharges pulses of blue and green. The darkness and light subsides, revealing two figures.

Majora's new form was that of a demon god, clothed in extravagant violet and green robes with elaborate designs and pitch-black armor. His eyes were black with one iris violet and the other green. His hair was long and wild, a violet mane with green highlights flowing out behind him. Six wings of black with alternating violet and green tips had sprouted from his back, and were spread wide. He held a purple and green helix blade in his hand.

Oni had undergone a similar transformation. His blue and green robes were mostly covered by white armor. His white hair was tied back out of his eyes, which now had dull irises; one blue and the other green. Wings of white with blue and green tips spread six ways behind him, and he held his green and blue helix blade.

The two took to the sky and charged. They passed the other in rapid succession, blasts of power so intense that the rest of the cast had been annihilated (with the exception of Rajak, Kaine, and Myself, who were in another dimension) and the citadel was quickly being reduced to rubble. Oni directed a torrent of chaotic energy at Majora, who simply warped behind Oni and hacked off one of his wings.

Oni reeled for a moment before using his own blade to cleave Majora's left arm from his body. They made some distance between them, Majora growing a new limb and Oni regenerating his wing. They charged once more, but this time Majora ensnared Oni with black chains that seemingly came out from thin air. Majora threw his sword and buried it in Oni's chest, who roared in agony. Majora created a whip of darkness from each of his fingers, mercilessly ripping the flesh from Oni's body. Silver blood flew through the air as Majora solidified the whips on each hand into ten black spears, which he quickly used to impale every vital organ in Oni's body.

Despite this onslaught, Oni gathered the needed strength and unleashed a massive blast of pure energy, destroying the chains and spears, while sending Majora and his sword flying. Oni attempted to heal, but Majora's magic barrage struck him hard and knocked his own sword from his hand. They flew for each other once more.

They locked fists and Oni kicked Majora's hip, giving him the needed momentum to slam Majora into what was left of the ground below. Now it was Oni who rained chaos infused punch of chaos infused punch on Majora. Majora's purple blood spewed forth like a dark geyser. Majora focused his power on his tongue and shot it out as a dark blade right into Oni's eye. As he fell backward Majora sprouted bone blades on his knuckles and punched Oni as hard as he could.

In one last attempt to kill him, Oni focused every drop of power he had into one last attack. As Majora was about to land the final blow, Oni shot his very soul through Majora. The two were destroyed, leaving only a pair of masks behind...

MoO: ...That... was... epic...

Rajak: THEY DESTROYED MY CITADEL!

MoO: I'll fix it, I'll fix it. *snaps fingers*

Vaati: Ezlo, you were a good mentor, and I understand you were doing your best.

Ezlo: Nagnagna- wait what?

Vaati: Yeah. Buuuut... *Stabs Ezlo repeatedly, spits in his eye, kicks him in the balls, and when he was good and dead, took a piss on his face for good measure*

TP Link: U-um...

Vaati: *glares, then smiles evilly*

TP Link: *tries, and fails, to escape eye and ball swap*

Vaati: And that just leaves one thing.

Malon: *trying to sneak out window*

Vaati: *warps over and tears at her clothes-*

MoO: WHOA WHOA WHOA! TIME OUT!

Malon: Thank the goddesses.

Vaati: What?

MoO: Do that off-screen, I can't be going M over this.

Malon: WHA?

Vaati: Hehe, good man. *warps away*

Original Link: *explodes through wall in 8-bit glory, swinging his sword in the general direction of ST Link and launching sword beams*

ST Link: *bloody Swiss cheese*

Cremia: How? He's the pervert king, he gets off on just about every fetish you can think of!

Kaine: Except two girls one cup, he was vomiting over that.

Cremia: I am NOT doing that!

MoO: ...Well, since I won't have to see it...

Cremia: Huh?

*one disturbing event that we thankfully did not see later*

Vaati: !

Tingle: But... Tingle is so close to becoming a fairy!

MoO: Too bad *snaps fingers*

Tingle: Sigh... Now Tingle will never be a fairy. Oh well! *stuff Navi down his pants*

Tatl: *Hylian form* HEY LINK! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!

MM Link: U-um... I, er... Would you like to...

Tatl: I know what your doing, and you will DIE FOR IT! *begins ripping MM Link to shreds*

Romani: Well, since that didn't work.

MoO: Yeah... Go help her kill him, it'll count in a way.

Romani: *Helps kill Link*

Both of those Pirates: Ok. *off to do gay things... NOOOOOO! MAH BRAIN!*

Mido: NO!

Prinny: You sure about that dood?

Mido: Fuck you!

MoO: Heh, I forgot he was here for a while.

Vaati: Yes, to both questions. *laugh*

Kaine: He's a little purple gigolo.

Master Sword: ...

Four Sword: ...

Magic Sword: ...

Needle: ...

Kamaro's Mask: ...

Tael: No, I will not. And I will answer for all of those inanimate objects. No, the Mater Sword cannot talk. Neither can the Four Sword. Or the Magic Sword. The needle can't talk, and Kamaro's mask... Honestly I dunno.

MoO: By the way, you referred to this as a "penultimate"... If you used that right that means this is your second to last batch of dares, which I somehow find unlikely.

_THATS FUCKING IT_

zelda: YOU BITCH NOW NOW YOU HAVE TO FACE SOMETHING WORSE IN FACT THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN THIS CAN ONLY BE SOBAD BY HAVING A POWER LVL OVER 9000000000000000 YOU HAVE TO WATCH 6000000 HOURS OF THE BAD MONTY PITHON SKITS THEN FACE OFF AGAINST EVERYONE FROM THE DIMENSION OF SICOTIC KITTEN MONSTER THAT R PUPPIES IN DISGUISE

ruto: your should duck [throws a huge battle ax at her that she has no chance of dodging]

mido: get sent to the world of gay rape

link: just throw stuff into random oceans every where

every zelda: IM STILL ALIVE BUT YOU WONT BE BECAUSE HAVE TO FIGHT TIMOTHY MY SUPER MONSTER THAT NOT EVEN CHUCK NORRIS BEAT HE ONLY TIED WITH IT [just think a t-rex on al 4s with wigs and 2 giant cannons and a blade tail]

rajak: congrats u beat chuck norris now battle timothy without god powers

A-team: show st link how to fly a tank and train

NOW PERISH

MoO: *whistles* Someone is PISSED.

Zelda: B-b-b-but I-

MoO: Don't care. *warps her to dimension of bad Monty Python skits* We'll check on her later.

Ruto: Huh? Wh- *killed by axe*

Mido: WHOA WHOA WHOA!

MoO: Again, don't care for your excuses. *warps Mido to gay-rape dimension* It's basically Japan, but everyone is gay.

Link: Um... Ok? *throws random things into random bodies of water*

MoO: *grins evilly* You think you're going to not get hurt this dare don't you?

Link: U-um, I, er...

MoO: Buuuuuuut~

Kraken: *Pulls Link into ocean and eats him*

MoO: You threw a hammer on the Kraken's head! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

Timothy: *burps after eating all Zeldas*

Rajak: Give me a few moments.

*A few moments later*

Rajak: *sitting on Timothy's dead body* Easy.

A-Team:*grabs ST link to show him how to fly a tank/train*

*one tank/train flying lesson later*

ST Link: *crushed under tank/train*

MoO: Guess he wasn't a very good student.

_PAIN! *giggle like Midna, 'cept slightly higher pitched*_

Links: merge into one, and figure out who you really love.

*holds up love potion* I want Kaine to then force this down the throats of that person and Vaati. And then it's CLOSET TIME!

Rajak: I like you. Will you brutally murder Tingle (again) for me?

Ruto: I hate you. BURN IN DEATH MOUNTAIN CRATER! *shoves fish-girl into lava*

I'm going to do something only half-unexpected (to anyone who knows me* *grabs FSA manga Shadow Link by the front of his tunic and kisses him passionately* (because Vaati's busy, and Shadow's my second choice)

All Links: *merge into one Link, who's very existence threatens the stability of space and time*

MoO: Damn! Too much triforce/chosen-one/blessed-by-the-gods-ness! Make it quick!

Super Link: _**Well... Hmm... I would have to say... Zelda.**_

Kaine: No shit, Cowtwerp over here is a die-hard ZeLinker.

MoO: *in shock* I-I-I-I-! Die-hard is a bit harsh- WAIT! Did you really just call me-?

Kaine: Cowtwerp? Yes. *to readers* Hear that everyone? Cowtwerp. His new name.

Cowtwerp: No! Ne- WHAT THE FUCK? HOW DID YOU CHANGE MY NAME?

Kaine: Hax.

MoO: Never do that again! I can always give this job to someone else!

Kaine: Fine fine, touchy. I just-

Super Link: *his existence breaks reality*

Rajak: Again? Really? HOW MANY TIMES CAN MY CITADEL BE DESTROYED IN ONE FREAKING CHAPTER?

MoO: A lot. This may take some time to fix though.

*static*

Metus: Hey! Remember me? No? Screw you! *pushed off screen by old German guy with slick black hair in a pony-tail wearing glasses*

Caedo: Jour time iz ahp! Our master left zis to me in za furst place, so be zankful you ewen got zose lines out! *turns to readers* Due to Zuper Link being zo unstable, ahll dahres inluding him cannot be cahmpleted. Ve apologize for zis inconwenience. ...Heh... heheh... JAAAAAJAJAJAJAJAAAAA! I VANT TO EXPERIMENT! ZUCH POWAH... ZUCH POWAH! I MUZT... muzt find a vay to harness it... *walks away laughing in talking to himself*

Metus: Ummm... Actually I was supposed to say we'd be right back, but Caedo just stole Super Link so... Yeah...

*static*

MoO: We're back! Also this is where I couldn't write anymore because of my computer crashing. But enough of that, to the dares!

((Play this: .com/watch?v=zLkdEQ37yPM and skip to 1:35 ))

Rajak: Yes… I know just how I should go about this… *glares at Tingle*

Tingle: U-um… Mister?

Rajak: Allow me to show you… *snaps fingers, transporting them to deep space where stars were the size of marbles* The creation of all time! *throws countless stars at Tingle, before gathering a few galaxies and crushing them into a singularity* Big… *throws the singularity at tingle* Bang.

Tingle: *dies in the Big Bang*

*returns to normal space*

MoO: Big Bang? Did this really call for that?

Rajak: I felt like it. Sue me.

Ruto: *crawls out* Ha! I'm not just going to let you kill me anymore!

MoO: I see. *throws Link in*

Ruto: NOOOOOO! *jumps in after him, catching him mid fall and hugging him then hits lava and dies Gollum-style*

Link: *standing on Ruto's quickly melting hand* HELP!

MoO: Nah.

_oh mai gawd rajak killed chuck norris...hez a god!__praises rajak__you r nao mai mintoar_

k so i actually thougt that chuck norris dare was stupid anyway

dares:

gannondick:be turned into a fairy then get eaten by re-deads

all links:go have some alchohol,you guy sorta deserve it

zant:hang upside down for the next few hours

MoO:force zant to do his dare

(after link gets back)midna:kill link(ya kno ya want to,after wat link did,hugging majora)

navi:uummm...i hate you so get put in a jar full of bleach

tingle:shake the jar up

zelda:have your light arrows tainted .they are now useless...hehhehhe

re-deads:you guys get the gift of life !

rajak:throw zelda into the stone tower from torture anyone you want(but not MoO)

loz's morpha:you've had enough bath time get out of the water and dry yourself off

light spirits:no more shining...it hurts my eyes.

light spirits' dark sides:bring about an apocalypse of darkness

tatl:hooray you get the ''not as annoying as you could have been unlike navi ,who is a whiny little biach''award it is thrice the size of your body and un-removeable and is made of pure gold and 'll sink like a rocl : D(it can only be removed if you say you're a whiny little dumbash who has a shrine to link in your closet).

tael:be links replacement fairy

that is all,this took for ever to type :3

_rides off on giant demon epona_

Ganondorf: *turned into fairy* WHAT? *eaten by redeads*

Red Link: WOO! LET'S GET WASTED!

Toon Link: But I'm not old enough!

TP Link: The barkeep doesn't really care. This is an alternate dimension where laws don't really exist. Which is why he can keep us all here. *glares at me*

MoO: Hey, I'm not the one keeping you here.

*wind blows*

Zelda: What?

MoO: Yeah, the one keeping you here is Kcire (pronounced Sire).

OoT Link: Who?

?: *Heavy footsteps come from hall*

Kaine: *kneels*

Rajak: *salutes*

MoO: It is my great pleasure to introduce Kcire Kcisura (Sire Sisera), Lord of the Empire of Kcisuria, which rules 12% of all creation. He whom the Gods fear, he for whom the waters part. *in head* _Narcissistic jackass, making me do this every damn time he meets someone!_

Kaine: *in head*_ May he rot forever._

Rajak: *in head* _If he weren't my greatest ally, I'd kill him myself._

Kire Kcisura: *Walks out from hall in regal gold and crimson robes, red cape lined with the fur of an albino lion blowing dramatically* I am the one keeping you here. I control all that you see.

Zelda: *furious* What right do you have? I am royalty too!

Kcire Kcisura: Not here. *snaps fingers, and three heavy cruisers materialize above the Citadel* Choose your nest words carefully.

Zelda: *speechless* I... I... *kneels*

Kcire Kcisura: Very good. *leaves, Heavy cruisers leaving with him*

*all is quiet*

MoO: … *checks to see if its safe* FUCK I HATE THAT GUY!

Kain: I KNOW! WHAT A DOUCHEBAG!

Rajak: He has no power of his own, but an army of devoted crazy people gives him some damn good leverage...

TP Link: U-um...

MoO: You guys were going to get drunk right? I'm coming too...

Kaine: Diddo.

Rajak: I need something possibly lethal.

*all leave with Links*

Zelda: So... Who's to keep us here?

HoD Majora: Me.

Zelda: HUH?

HoD Majora: I AM one of his creations.

Zant: *reads dare* KK! *hangs upside down*

HoD Majora: Don't even need him here for this one.

Midna: Why wait? *hunts down Link*

Navi: *in jar of bleach*

Tingle: *shakes* Why am I doing this?

HoD Majora: You die if you don't.

Zelda: Aw man!

Redeads: We... WE'RE ALIVE! *eaten by keese*

Rajak: I'm back, and neither drunk nor dead. You. Will. PAY. *throws Zelda off Stone Tower* And now... *grabs Vaati* Are you familiar with the Scavenger's Daughter?

Vaati: *eyes light up* Why no, what are her measurements?

Rajak: Hehe, its not a she, its a torture device that crushes the arms and chest cavity.

Vaati: … NOOOOOO!

Rajak: YES. (watch this to get an idea of Vaati's fate: .com/watch?v=OubQys8K5lI )

Morpha: *snakes out of water and swallows Zelda*

Rajak: … Why didn't it do that to Link?

Light Spirits: *dim down, sad*

Dark Spirits: *use magic to move the moon to permanently eclipse the sun, causing all plants to die and thus starving the entire world*

Majora: Why didn't I think of that?

Tatl: NO! NEVER! FUCK YOU!

Tael: *to kid Link* Since sis won't do it and can't move, I'm your new fairy! *notices Kid Link isn't there* WHA! Id he drinking too! Nononono! *goes to find him*

*Everyone comes back, Tael still looking for Kid Link, who is very drunk*

MoO: Aren't you a bit young to get drunk?

Kid Link: I swear to drunk I'm not God...

_I dare you to UPDATE before we're all old/dead! _

MoO: Well nyeh!

_for once in lif I FOUND A LOOP HOLE [falls into said hole]_

minda:you gain the power of ANYONE you want

link: battle someone evil from every shhow,book,game,etc...

moo: now that the swiss are down unleash hell on [no offcen to jews or british people] britian the country of philthy british jews[no offence]

rajak: GET FROZEN IN A DEMENSION WITHOUT TIME NO HAX

ruto: since you were original useless to the game turn into a hylian and try to date link

moo: if she doesnt turn kill her

kaine: just kill fangirls in a killing rampage

now then MORE LOOP HOLES NEED TO BE FOUND 

Midna: Um... How about... *evil smirk* Beatrice's power?

MoO: ...Damn you for knowing about that show. *snaps fingers* You are now an Eternal Witch, the laws of reality no longer apply.

Link: Um... I'll start with...

MoO: Sephiroth.

Sephiroth:*cuts Link in half with one swing*

MoO: Quick dare. *reads dare, smiles* Good news, I just got Civ V, and so: *nukes the piss out of Britain* I love this game.

Rajak: *sent to dimension without time* AKA: my Citadel.

MoO: He's right. No time here.

Ruto: *turns into a Hylian* Hey Liiiiink!

Link: *backs away* I know its you Ruto! It isn't happening!

Ruto: *Chases Link*

Kaine: *shoots fangirls repeatedly, casting magic when they get too close* This... *summons black hole, killing about a fifth of them* is harder than I thought!

MoO: We'll leave him to that.

_Yeah, I'm getting tired of Zelda being the bikini girl. Malon, you're the Round 4 one._

Anyway, Kefka and Sephy, I give you free reign to do to Hyrule whatever you wish.

Link- I mean, Bugger: Go buy a heart, like from Heart for the Hero on Youtube, and I do mean grunt to get the point across.

Vaati: What the- No, I'm over here. To the left. No, the other left. Stupid blind good-for-nothing emo. Anyway, You're unblinded, but everything you see is not what it is in reality. In other words, you're hallucinating.

Tingle: I have no ideas for new torture, so I'm gonna go ahead and recycle. NOw YOU'RE IN THE ROOM WITH NAVI YELLING "HEY!"

Ruto: Care to take a whack at Volvagia? You might want this. *hands Ruto a squeaky hammer* Oh, by the way, what does that scouter say about Volvagia's Power Level? (I'm gonna keep asking this until a certain narrator decides to put their man-tyhose on and answer it. 

Kefka and Sephy: *completely obliterate Hyrule*

Link: Ohhh... Crap. *goes into Kokiri shop*

Shopkeep: Hello, uh, welcome to the Kokiri Forest shop, how may I help you today?

Link: *points at heart* Tuet!

Shopkeep: Uhhh...What?

Link: Hrut!

Shopkeep: Could you, uh, repeat that please?

Link: Haraa!

Shopkeep: I have no idea. What you are saying to me right now.

Link: Hahh *facepalm* Hyeh, Haah, Hiy!

Shopkeep: That is a HEAVY accent you have there buddy.

Link: Duwagh!

Shopkeep: You're gonna have to speak up.

Link: Hiyah, hiy! Geh geh!

Shopkeep: Annunciate, please?

Link: Hrrg...

Shopkeep: The, restroom? You wanna use the restroom? 'Cause you have to buy something if you wanna use it.

Link: Ahugh.

Shopkeep: You want a SHIELD? Can I interest you in a SHIELD? It's uh, it's only 40 rupees. It's made of... Well its made of wood, so its not gonna block much. But it, looks nice.

Link: HYAAAAAAAGGH!

Shopkeep: You see, now it just sounds like you're yelling at me, and I don't appreciate that.

Link: *makes heart with hands*

Shopkeep: Ohhohohhh, ok you wanna heart! You wanna heart, alright, I gotcha.

Link: :-D

Shopkeep: I'm sorry, we're all out.

Link: Oho? *draws sword*

Shopkeep: Ok, I'm gonna give you a moment here, because you're getting violent... Alright?

Link: *decapitates him, taking his heart*

THE VOICE: [You got the Shopkeeper's Heart! EEWWW! GROSS!]

Link: I hate this shop...

Vaati: I... Think I like it? I have no idea.

MoO: What do you mean?

Vaati: Well, unicorn fish, I'm not sure about this at all...

MoO: … Moving on.

Tingle: *comes out of Navi Room* Wah! When I tried to do it with here she died!

Ruto: Take THIS!

[Ruto uses Squeaky Hammer! No effect!]

[Volvagia uses flamethrower! It's super effective!]

Ruto: *dead*

Ga_nondorf: eat a sandwich near link  
__  
MoO: Turn part of the cast into the EBA agents/divas _

Ganondorf: *eating sandvich* *stops mid chew* Wait... Why did it say "sanVich"... Oh.

MoO: Yep.

Heavy: WHO TOOK MY SANVICH? AHA!

Ganondorf: Waitwaitwait, it's not what it looks like!

Heavy: You may outsmart me... You may. But you cannot outsmart BULLET! *3 minute continuous spray of bullets*

MoO: Not sure who they are.

_...You're never writing the next chapter, are you? _

MoO: As you can see, I have.

_dang...that must suck that your computer fried, my computer fried once and i couldn't use my clicky keyboard buttons for 1 1/2 frackin YEARS...*slams baseball bat over random flamer's head* much better :^3_

...so any waaaayyyyssss... a freind of mine named roflburgerapawcalips123 told me about this tod fanfic so i thought i'd check it out! i cant think of much dares so...hyre oFTo

gannondouch:*puts a FAMAS against his head* peek-a-boo! ^_^

tingle:(you are sooooo kawaii!but you are still gay D :)go die in a hole...nuff said

ruto:(don't know why every1 hates you cuz you r awzum)kirby haz a waffle 4 u # ('_')[it has magic powers if you eat it you are immune to your next dare,use it wisely.]

im serious about ruto ... shes mai favorite loz character(o_o^)(o_o)(^o_o) kirby dance for you to cheer you up...*wispering*moo :3 

MoO: Yes, yes it did.

Ganondorf: OH SHI- *dead*

Kaine: *spit take* WHAT? DID I READ THAT RIGHT?

Tingle: Tingle feels so loved!

MoO: Dammit. *throws him in Grue Pit*

Ruto: YES! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

_That really sucks_

but anyways:

ganon: take a bite outta crime the gruff mi gruff way

ruto: do battle with some one from mortal combat no magic waffle will sae your fishy ass

moo: write it out we all want to see ruto's iminent doom

link: tear zelda's big intestine out and eat it infront of everyone

moo: DESTROY DA FISH PEOPLE OF PLANET RALFU 9

that is all 

Ganondorf: *bites random dude*

Ruto: ...Damn...

MoO: You know, for the sake of getting this chapter out sooner, I'll let the Waffle be used.

Ruto: YES!

Link: I... N..no... Just no!

MoO: *snaps fingers*

Link: *rips out Zelda's large intestine and eats it*

MoO: Hmm... How to destroy Ralfu 9...? … Well...

MoO: A full Taiidani fleet ought to be enough.

((Just watch this to see what happened the last time the Taiidan attacked: .com/watch?v=GgcBQojuRW8&feature=related ))

MoO: Overkill.

_staggers in with no shirt or helmet, and colapses-_

i give up i only went for the citadel because my master metaknight wanted it but he kicked me out and took some else as an apprentice, so -turns to rajak- cn i stay i just want a room at the top of the east tower and somewhere fr my pet dark wolf to stay

link: you need something to challenge the new immortal majora in hod -gives him... nothing- haha get something yourself

ruto: fight xarien and sangini (see my hod reviews for info)

zelda: hand over the light arrows and no one gets hurt -summons shadow oathbow with dark arrows-

MoO: just how many alternate forms do you have

-recreates the beast- fight the fangirl army from before

HoD majora: you do know knil and adlez are turning traitor right

-passes back out in malons lap-

Rajak: … Fine, no sense in wasting a potential soldier. But if you give me a reason, I will kill you.

Link: Yeah yeah, I'll get one myself, just wait and see.

Ruto: Who are- *dead*

Zelda: They're useless now anyway. *tosses light arrows to metalord*

MoO: Well, you were earlier introduced to another, very douchey, one. I don't fully know myself.

The BEAST: [due to the nature of the BEAST and my inability to describe it and the fact I'd rather not go M for this fic, you will just have to suffice with the knowledge that they were victims of tentacle rape and eaten.]

HoD Majora: Yes, I do. Wait for the next chapter, you will see.

((And we are done! Took long enough eh? And quick question; am I overdoing the music thing? Or do you like it?))


End file.
